Friendship in trouble after threesome

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This article was published 19/07/2017 (3355 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was at the lake with a group of people and we all stayed at the one cabin. There were half a dozen of us (aged 20-25), but not evenly split between males and females, so we had to double up to sleep in the small cabin. Well one thing led to another in the bedroom and my best friend and I slept with a male platonic friend we share. We put him in the middle as a laugh and he had his arm around both of us. We put our heads on his chest and did a selfie of this threesome as a joke.

It got hot in the night, so we took some of our clothes off and slept in our underwear, but then it got cooler and we wanted under the covers, and when we all got under our hands started to stray and we ended up having an all-out threesome. It felt so forbidden! Now we are dealing with the aftermath, as my girlfriend and I both felt emotional about the guy after. We always liked him, but he was so skilful and hot, and then we really liked him in a different way. What now?

— Both Want Him Now, Osborne Village

Dear Both Want Him Now: What does he want? His vote counts triple. It could be he just wants another threesome and you’re still just buddies — and sex buddies, too — in his mind. Maybe he doesn’t care, maybe he has his mind on a totally different woman romantically or maybe he wants one or both of you.

Invite him out for drinks and have the frank talk a little wine might encourage. Make it a meeting at a bar. You don’t want this to be a big, uncomfortable, awkward scene. You just want to clarify things. If you can do the daring deed, surely you can talk about its fallout.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My dog is causing a problem with my mother-in-law. Somehow he sensed I didn’t like her either. I guess I have said some things that weren’t very nice before and after her visits, and I make the male version of the Marge Simpson growl on occasion when she says things that make me mad. So now the dog does it when she enters the house, off and on, until she leaves. Then he starts wagging his tail and I pet him and congratulate him, which has intensified his growling. Ha!

My wife is furious with me because she loves her mother. They do have a complicated relationship, but they love to go out to stupid bingo and casinos together. She does it on her own money and our money is separate, for good reason, but I openly disrespect her gambling habit. I find it a cheap thrill for fools and generally disgusting.

The mother-in-law problem recently got worse when she hit my dog across the back for growling and he snapped and almost bit her. She left, swearing she was calling the police, and I yelled after her retreating ass that I was calling the humane society on her, and not to come back again. My wife is beyond angry to the point where she is not talking, but just says, “I can’t even have my own mother back here. I hate you for that!” What now?

— Dog Fight, West End

Dear Dog Fight: Dogs are intuitive and operate on an emotional level. We, as their humans, are the pack leaders, so they follow our example. Your attitude, feelings and actions toward your mother-in-law have been picked up by the dog. He follows the pack leader — you — who has been unconsciously training your dog to be aggressive towards her. He will not change his behaviours until you change yours.

You’re going to have to invite your mother-in-law over and show the dog she is OK and to stop the aggressive behaviours when she’s around. She has to know she is not the disciplinarian, though. You have to be watchful that she doesn’t get hurt and the dog learns to be calm round her, from your new calmness.

Also, this woman is important to your wife and loved by her, so you can’t dispense with your mother-in-law like you might with a bad friend. Your wife and her mother spend a lot of time together outside of the house, but you must also invite her back in your home graciously, and that is going to require an apology. Ask her to come back to establish a respect and a trust both together and with the dog. Start with curtailing your own tension and growling because the dog is following your every example.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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