Boyfriend only pretended being happy on holiday

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This article was published 01/08/2017 (3315 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went on a road trip with my boyfriend and we had a great time, beyond wonderful in my opinion! But it turns out he was just “acting” the second week of the trip. Although his private parts were sincerely interested, he told me he lost interest in us as a couple after the first week.

I asked what the heck he meant and he said he was bored with us as a couple. I asked if he thought I was boring and he said no, he was boring when he was with me, which I thought was a dodge. Again I asked for clarification and it seems his ex-girlfriend used to lead the way into sexual adventures on trips. I suggested his private parts seemed interested enough and my (now ex) boyfriend said, “Yes, but my fantasies weren’t.”

Ah, then I finally got the hint. It turns out, on further questioning, his girlfriend was into S&M and he liked to be her sex slave. How was I supposed to know all this? Even so, I don’t know if I could have played the mistress role. Little did he know, I used to be the submissive in a power-play relationship about five years ago. I know how much work it is to be the dominant, and have to think up all the scenes and word play. I told him that.

So, off we went, two submissives largely unknown to each other sexually, off in opposite directions. I still miss him. Isn’t that weird of me? — Lonely Lady, Wolseley

Dear Lonely Lady: You can miss the regular person and not their fantasies. You are missing the romantic first weeks or months of the romance, as everyone does once they get over the anger and hurt of the breakup. It’s time to face facts: the happy days when you both thought each other were so perfect are gone now. There is nothing to miss when all that’s left is the mismatch you are and the silences and/or the squabbling that follows your complaints about each other.

He played a happy role to get to the end of the two weeks without fighting. Lots of people do that on holidays if things have gone sour for them. There is nothing like a road trip of 24/7 company to bring out your problems.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have too much time to think. I just got a job in security where all I do is wait out my eight hours. Nothing happens and there are no problems. Nobody is trying to break into this stupid place. But everybody wants security now, or thinks they should have it, just in case. What am I going to do? This is my summer job before university. I will need to keep working part-time when September comes. I’m bored out of my mind, not to mention lonely. Each eight hours feels like eight days. What can I do? — Going Nuts at Summer Job, Winnipeg

Dear Going Nuts at Summer Job: Do your bosses monitor you on the job? If so, it’s not the time to learn an instrument, as some people have done in the past. You could likely use some time (discreetly) to look for a different job. Even if it makes less money, the time will go quickly and you’ll soon be back at school. You could check out the boards at your school for jobs starting now. A job on the school campus is easier in many ways, though people from outside post jobs, too.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Someone has been sleeping in my bed. I know it’s someone from my family, but it freaks me out anyway. I know for sure someone is taking naps in there because things are often in the wrong place and the sheets on the bed I make every morning are scrambled up at the bottom. How do I find out which of my brothers or sisters is doing this? I have the only private room at the top of our three-storey house. Our mom won’t allow locks. How do I catch the thief of my privacy? — Upset Oldest Sister, Winnipeg

Dear Upset Oldest Sister: Enlist your mother in the investigation as she knows her children best. She will be looking for someone who is secretly jealous of you, someone who would like your position in the family and your privacy. I’m betting your mother will know who it is immediately. Then let your mom deal with it, no doubt more gently than you would now, as you’re angry. She will be able to straighten it out and save your friendship with this jealous sibling, which will be important to you in years to come.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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