Wife’s jokes about own body starting to turn him off

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This article was published 06/08/2017 (3325 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife makes jokes about her chubby inner thighs and then wiggles them and calls herself Miss Jiggly. I find it kind of revolting and have asked her to stop. She doesn’t. I never thought about her thighs, except to love them, before she started this stuff. It’s made worse by her insecure girlfriends who have similar nicknames for themselves about their body parts. She is seriously turning me off. How can I get through to her?

— Married to Miss Jiggly, River Heights

Dear Married to Miss Jiggly: People who hide body-part loathing behind humour often teach their love partners to have bad feelings about those parts, too. Talk to her seriously about what she’s doing and why, and how she and her girlfriends are building hurdles with their partners that don’t need to be there. Ask her how she would feel if you made derogatory comments about parts of your body and gave yourself a nasty nickname.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m too old for this problem and I’m embarrassed about it. I’m a single guy in my late 20s, decent looking with a career I enjoy, and I’ve fallen in love again this summer.

People may say that’s good, but this has happened almost every summer since about five years ago when I was dumped and got unengaged at the end of the summer. I didn’t cheat or do anything wrong. The love of my life just told me her feelings had faded over the summer and she wouldn’t be marrying me, after all. She gave me back the diamond ring and now it sits on my dresser. I was heartbroken.

Then I got into a pattern my sister says is sick. After a year of feeling sorry for myself, I got back into shape, got a tan and started hitting the bars with an eye to actually finding a woman I could love. I would find someone and start falling for her, then I would feel my feelings drain out in the late summer, and break it off. This pattern has continued for several years. My sister asked me to go to a shrink. I went to two and got two diagnoses: either I’m protecting myself from another woman breaking up with me at the end of the summer, or I’m getting even with my ex-girlfriend by using a different woman.

This summer the pattern is the same, but the woman is different. She’s really something and I don’t want to shut down, but I already feel it starting to happen. I know this would be a great woman for me and I’ve felt the beginning of big feelings for her in July, and now I have that knot in the pit of my stomach. Should I tell her about what happened? She’s had some hell in her life, too, as she’s divorced with a great little kid.

— Wanting to Beat This, Winnipeg

Dear Wanting: You can beat this, but you’ll need a team — a relationship counsellor, a smart friend who knows you and your sister who loves you.

First, get rid of the notion you were in love every summer after the traumatic breakup. You had summer flings. This new lady may not be your final love, either, but she shows promise. Now is the time to deepen the friendship as well as the sexual relationship and good times. Trade your break-up stories and feel the warmth and trust that comes from getting the truths of your lives out there, and comforting each other. This woman’s not going to disrespect you, as you didn’t do anything awful to you fiancée, she just changed her mind.

You don’t have to tell yourself you’re in love with any woman at this early date, just a month or two in. Your goal this month is to hang in there and not run away from a good woman. And please, take the symbol of your broken engagement off your dresser drawer. Cash it in, give it to your sister as a sparkly rock she can dump out of the setting and reuse or throw it in a lake.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg,MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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