Enlisting cats’ help to end late-night sex

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This article was published 03/11/2017 (3243 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend (he’s 28 and I’m 24) likes to have sex at 3 a.m. and go back to sleep, leaving me wide awake until morning. I started bringing my cats to bed so he doesn’t try anything at that hour. Last night he told me to get rid of the cats, and if I couldn’t, to have them put to sleep since they are so old. I was appalled and told him I wouldn’t pay for him with the lives of my cats. He slammed the door on the way out of the house and gunned the car down the street. I am in shock. What did I just do? I thought I loved him. — Suddenly Single, River Heights

Dear Suddenly Single: Don’t fret! You were in love with the person you thought he was. This cruel streak has appeared at just the right time — before you moved in together or got married. Did he not tell you his feelings toward your pets before?

You’re rid of this cruel guy, but you should know a lot of people don’t want pets sleeping in the bed with them (although experts say about 60 per cent of pet owners do have four-legged critters in the bed). Tell the next boyfriend honestly that you don’t like middle-of-the-night sex, but you will put the cats out of the room when you first go to bed and you two will possibly make love that night. Then both of you can rest easy.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have called in sick and stayed in bed all week to figure out my life. I’m heartsick. I just broke up with my boyfriend, who is a great guy to go to bars with, but boring in bed and you can’t fix his kind of boring. During the act of love, he’s more like a carpenter sawing on a piece of wood. When I complain about what I get out of it — absolutely nothing — all I get is him telling me that it works for him.

It’s like he thinks we’re separate entities and should each be doing ourselves. I’ve never had one orgasm with him — and that’s no lie. God knows he gets his jollies. So yesterday I told him he could be a friend and he told me to “stick it.” I told him I’d had enough of that with him, thanks.

There’s more! My old sex buddy has been calling and I went over to see him. Now I know for sure I can still have orgasms with the right partner. The thing is I’m 34 and would like to be getting everything in one place, getting married and having kids before it’s too late. I hate being alone, which makes me hasty. What can I do to find a great guy and get this show on the road?

 — Under the Covers and Depressed, Winnipeg

Dear Under the Covers and Depressed; When you’re in it to win it you don’t try different things end-to-end, you try everything at once.

So here are 10 things to do to get where you want to be. 1) Ask your co-workers, girlfriends, sisters, cousins and aunts to set you up on dates and be a good sport — go on them. They know you to a depth and might know a guy who really suits you. 2) Go online and actually pay to get on a personals website where it’s likely guys have decent jobs. 3) Go out a lot more to events, at least four times a week. 4) Establish a Friday hangout in a certain bar that attracts the kind of guys you like — generally close to places they work — and invite only one girlfriend or maybe two. 5) Dress up more. Be ready to meet a great guy when you just go to the grocery store. 6) Get active in charities that interest you that might also attract guys. 7) Make your place uber-comfy with a recliner love seat and a big sofa two people can lie on. 8) Keep the pantry stocked with drinks, good food and and items to bake in a hurry. 9) Get a big bed you both would like to sleep in all night. Live the lifestyle that makes him think: “It would be nice to live here with her.” 10) Find out early on if interesting guys like kids and want to have them. If they don’t, believe them and move on.

Good luck. Now get out of bed, and get moving! 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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