Noticeable sign he was attracted to girlfriend’s mother

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This article was published 23/04/2018 (3063 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new girlfriend took me to her place and her mother was better-looking than she is! The mom didn’t flirt with me, but she was dressed in form-fitting clothes, was charming and nice, offered me homemade treats and inquired about me in a friendly way. Her daughter only talks about herself.

This still would have been OK if I didn’t get noticeably aroused just looking at the mother (she must be in her late 30s) while we were there. My girlfriend noticed and took me out of there quickly and started asking me if I was attracted to her mother since she could see the evidence. I told her she was the one I liked, of course.

But now I can’t get her to answer her phone. I feel badly that she thinks she was outdone by her own mother. I really don’t know what to say to her.

— Feeling Like a Jerk, Fort Garry

Dear Feeling Like a Jerk: This mother fancies young men who drool over her, and you did that. It looks like you’re not going to get a chance to say anything, so leave a message or an apology on your girlfriend’s phone, and realize it’s over. Just learn from this to beware of mothers who appear to compete with their daughters and don’t let them waylay you with their own charms.

This mother may not have openly flirted — she’s smarter than that — but she got dressed and done up in a subtly provocative way, made enticing treats to keep you around for conversation and was charming toward you.

Had she been wearing an obvious low-cut top and come after you, it’s less likely you would have fallen for the bait. By keeping a polite distance she was able to capture your interest, re-test her attraction powers and beat out her daughter, reassuring herself she’s still hot.

This is an unhealthy situation, but you can’t do anything to make it better at this point. Her daughter will soon stop bringing any guys home, and move out early, to her dad’s or elsewhere. Poor kid!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just missed out on a job by doubting myself and waiting too long to apply. Then I heard the person doing the hiring had actually hoped I would apply. I feel terrible! I have caused myself a lot of disappointment in my life by being indecisive. If I can’t be guaranteed of a positive outcome, I wait so long I miss the chance.

I seem to be lacking the confidence that would help me take chances to go after the things I really want. I always settle for second best. I learned this from my father, who worked all his life for a mean boss at a job he didn’t really like, saying, “Better the devil you know.” As a result, I’m a chicken. Please help me.

— Mr. Low Risk, Broadway

Dear Mr. Low Risk: Identify your ultimate dream job in detail, and write it out. Put the paper in your wallet. Every time you think of a reason not to go for a job like that, take out the paper and write the excuse down. After a week of this, make an appointment with a counsellor. Go in with your list of excuses, the problem as you see it and your dad’s teachings.

Counsellors aren’t miracle-workers, but they can sometimes get amazing results in a few sessions. If you find yourself balking at the thought of even going for counselling, think about your dad’s sad life, and make the call for an appointment. If you’re still in high school or college, there will be counselling services right there, and probably free. There is no greater investment than fixing yourself.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went on a Mexican trip with my boyfriend and thought we had a great time. Recently, I heard from the other couple who went with us that my guy had been straying over to their room on his morning walks and they let him crawl in for threesomes.

He told them I knew all about this and was OK with it, but not into it myself. What crap! He told them not to talk about it in front of me because it would make me uncomfortable, but that I was OK with looking the other way.

Nothing could be further from the truth! I exploded in front of this woman when she took me for a drink and told me. She backed away, saying she waited until we got home to Winnipeg so as not to cause a freak-out and fights in Mexico.

She said she wanted to ease her guilty conscience by being honest, but she was still guilty in my eyes. She still had sex with my boyfriend! I went home, put his stuff in a garbage bag, jumped in my car and went to his work. I threw his stuff at him in the foyer, screamed at him and left. Now what?

— Burning With Fury, St. James

Dear Burning With Fury: Get over this piece-of-work boyfriend, and learn to ask a lot more questions early on in any relationship, particularly about sex. Find out everything a guy’s been into, and what he’s looking to try. Do this before there’s an emotional attachment. People are more likely to tell the truth then.

You really think this was the first time your boyfriend ever tried group sex, and the first time he had ever been in bed with this couple? Not likely. My guess is he knew he wouldn’t be thrown out of their room long before he ever left Canada.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B61

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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