Father’s Day good time to learn about real dad

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This article was published 17/06/2018 (3014 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Please print this on Father’s Day. It’s a very hard day because I don’t know who my father is.

It could be one of two people: it could be the man married to my mother, but more likely it’s my uncle. I look exactly like my uncle and nothing like my father.

I know my mother had an affair with my uncle before I was born. This only came out in the last year. My older brother told me when he was drunk last year that when he was young he caught our mother making out with our uncle in bed, and that he never forgot the sight.

So, here we come to Father’s Day again. I asked my mother last year who my real dad was, and she went red in the face. I yelled at her, asking whether it was my dad or my uncle, and she ran away and cried.

I think I got my answer.

So, how can I go to dinner to celebrate Father’s Day this year when it’s all a lie? I refuse to go to the dinner and will never go again.

The dad who brought me up never treated me like the others kids. I was always the one who got the beatings.

My wife knows all this, and we have a baby on the way who won’t know his own grandfather. Should I perpetuate the myth, or introduce him to his uncle as his grandchild?

— Two Fathers is Too Many, Southern Manitoba

Dear Two Fathers is Too Many: It’s time for the truth. You’ve had it up to here with the lying since last year.

But the revelation should involve you and the people involved, not the younger people in the family.

So, talk to your mother again first and see if you can get the truth out of her. Follow up with her husband, and the person you believe to be your biological father.

The good part about confirming the truth is you will never have to pretend to be a fake son with your mother’s husband who beat you.

You may have a strained relationship with your mother for a time, although your upcoming grandchild may bring her back closer.

As for the uncle you confront, please write back and tell us about his reaction.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Like Forlorn, the man with the rare skin disease who wrote you about not being able to have a girlfriend (and wouldn’t mention the disease by name), my husband was in a similar situation in his life. He was embarrassed about his skin, which was badly affected by psoriasis.

He has been on Humira for a number of years and is basically psoriasis-free and has gotten his life back.

I just thought if Forlorn has psoriasis and hasn’t asked about Humira or other biological medication, he should talk to his dermatologist or his doctor. It has made a world of difference to my husband’s life.

— Relief All Round, Manitoba

Dear Relief All Round: The gentleman who wrote me has a different ailment, which he only told me about by name privately.

He didn’t want it mentioned as it is quite rare and people might recognize him by just saying that he has it.

But people with psoriasis, which is common, might be interested in your letter and talk to their doctors about it.

Thanks for caring enough about other people to write in to me.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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