Beat bad karma with heartfelt apology

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 21/09/2018 (2928 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Recently, I had the misfortune of being assigned a seat on an airplane beside a guy from my past. I treated him cruelly in my early 20s. I already had another guy waiting in the wings when I dumped him, and he saw us together three days later holding hands and necking on campus, obviously already a couple. He approached us, grabbed my arm and said, “Three days ago you were my girlfriend! Who’s this clown?” He told my new guy, “Watch out, pal, she’ll do it to you, too!” and stalked off.

So, there we were, seated beside each other on the plane, 22 years later. I’m 40 pounds heavier and he looks perfectly fit and looks better than I remember. He took one long look at me, shook his head as if to say “no way” and went to the flight attendant. It appeared he had to do some explaining, but she found him a seat in first class. I stayed in economy, which I guess maybe I deserved, and the flight attendant gave me a very dirty look.

Is this karma for being mean to him, as a young and beautiful woman, with many choices? What did I know then? He was a nerd back then. Nobody ever told me my actions would come back to bite me 20 years later. But fate delivered me into his hands. Why oh why?

— Snubbed After 22 Years, Tuxedo

Dear Snubbed: Fate also delivered him right into your hands, poor guy. At least that’s how he might have seen it.

Yet, it’s still all about you, isn’t it? You could have looked at him and apologized the minute you recognized each other. You could have said you were sorry for being immature and heartless, and perhaps have told him he didn’t deserve that kind of treatment.

Then, you could have had a kinder, adult conversation that might have been healing for him (people do carry hurts a long time) and alleviated some of your guilt. Did you feel any guilt? Some people have heard the old, “All is fair in love and war,” and thinks that excuses otherwise inexcusable behaviour. It doesn’t.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I got up in the middle of the night and saw a message on the phone from my long-distance girlfriend who has been kind of “missing” the last few days, especially at night. It was cutesy and said nothing. Without my clothes and my protective demeanour at 2 a.m., I felt the pain of missing her and not knowing where she was the last few days. 

We can’t be together for another eight months, when she finishes university halfway across the country. How do I hang onto the best woman I ever found? I want to marry her. 

— Worried and Jealous, West Kildonan

Dear Jealous: Eight months and then you’re back together? You can win this if you play it like a winner.

Be there more often in person, even if it’s for three- or four-day long weekends. Save up some extra money for the next eight months.

Don’t expect her to use her money to fly here, but send her tickets if she has some time off and wants to come home.

Fight for her with your happy presence, your loving arms and by encouraging her in her studies. Send her flowers once a month and some old-fashioned handwritten love letters she can read and keep forever.

Don’t ever be doubting or accusatory, even though you feel scared and jealous.

Act like a prince and make her feel like a princess.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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