Seize the moment, don’t let love pass you by

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 26/09/2018 (2929 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met up again with the man of my erotic dreams this summer. He came from my Ontario hometown. I loved him in high school, but thought he never knew. In university, I chased him and we spent one drunken night together after a football game. I woke up so mortified! I tried to treat it as a joke, as if I was so cool. He took it that way, and I didn’t see him again, although I kept dreaming about him. I got married to a drinker, and later divorced.

Then fate sat the love of my dreams beside me at a ball game and we had a bunch of drinks and talked and talked, like old friends. He asked me why I ran away the morning after the football game so many years go. I said, “Because I thought you wouldn’t respect me after what I did.” He looked at me like I came from another planet. “You acted like I meant nothing to you, and it took me months to get over that rejection,” he said. “I always had a crush on you in high school.”

Oh my God — all that wasted time!

We have been together as much as possible ever since, but there’s one problem. When I met him at the game, he was newly separated and now his ex knows about me and wants him back. There are no kids and she’s mean and boring. She didn’t tell him she didn’t want kids until after he married her. But I want babies and he does, too. What should I do? Break it off with him to give his marriage another chance?

— Can’t Bear to Lose Him, Winnipeg

Dear Can’t Bear to Lose Him: As my dear old mom Cynthia used to say “Nobody loves a martyr.” You have loved this guy for many years, so don’t break it off when you finally have a chance at winning! Stop getting in your own way and advocate for what you want. Let this man know exactly how you feel and let him make the decision to stay or be apart from you. Don’t discourage your new relationship with him. Just be yourself and let him know you want a full relationship, with children. Plan fun dates and show him what a positive life he could have with you. Then hope he chooses to keep on seeing you.

Whatever you do, don’t make the mistake of being his counsellor, and don’t offer to stop seeing him while he figures things out.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a 48-year-old guy with a big problem. I’m not a popular, handsome guy, but let me be frank: I have money, now that my two parents have died. I dress really well, drive nice vehicles, inherited a beautiful house recently, love gardening and throw great dinner parties.

Until last weekend, I had a 28-year-old woman chasing me. I had no illusion she was madly in love with me because of how I look (I’m no Prince Charming), but she did like me and we got along great in bed. I think I may want to get married and have a family with her. I feel I’m behind in the game of life. I mentioned all this last night in bed after we made love, and she just laughed. I asked her why she was laughing and she said, “I’m surprised!”

I feel like a big fool. I always thought I was at least gifted with brains, but can’t figure this reaction out.

— Mixed-Up Head & Lonely Heart

Dear Mixed-Up: People laugh when things are funny or awkward, strange or absurd. This young woman may have thought she was an amusement to a wealthy older guy, but never for a moment pictured herself as his wife with a family and all that implies.

If she was on the same wavelength, she wouldn’t have laughed and would have had a serious discussion with you. You know this woman is not in love with you, and you admitted you were not in love with her, so stop pouting.

It’s your age that’s really bothering you, and the fear that the best of life is passing you by. That being the case, there’s no sense wasting any more time with young women. Yes, you need someone young enough to have children or already have them from a previous marriage.

Make a two-year plan to find love and execute it. Since entertaining is your strong suit, organize dinner parties for every occasion. Get to know your neighbourhood. Decorate your yard and house big time for Halloween and people will drop by in droves.

And stop hanging out with the guys, like so many single men do. Sign up for classes populated by women, like salsa lessons or funky gardening classes. Choirs are always full of ladies, and so is charity work.

Don’t be afraid to tell everybody you’re looking for love and invite them to match you up with their friends. Some of the best marriages are made when friends introduce two friends with similar interests. Good luck!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography