Head for dry land and ditch mermaid fantasy
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Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 17/11/2018 (2532 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I dream about mermaids and mermen a lot. I always go out to Halloween parties as a mermaid, and wear the costume sometimes around the house. People say I wear my long red hair like one. Why do I have this fascination?
Well, why not? There are so many things in the deepest part of the ocean no human has ever seen. You just never know. There could be species of fish-like people in the deep.
My husband used to think my fascination with mermaid culture was “cute,” but not anymore. It came to a head this past Halloween when I tried to get him to wear a merman costume. He refused, and instead dressed as Superman for our friends’ couples costume party. I was annoyed because we were supposed to dress as a couple.
Yesterday, he said my fascination has grown to an “obsession” and that I should get my head examined!
What do you think?
— Loving the Mermaid Thing, Sage Creek
Dear Loving: I’m guessing back when you were a kid you saw a movie called The Little Mermaid and fell in love with the whole thing. But now you’ve grown up. Consider this: if your husband wore a Superman costume around the house and styled his hair like Clark Kent, bought the nerd glasses and spent hours watching Superman stuff online, would you think it was cute?
Maybe it’s fun for Halloween, but even that would wear thin, year after year.
An adult obsession with any character isn’t going to be adorable to a partner. Your husband married you because of your own personality and your own look. Maybe you should go with what works — being yourself. Keep the mermaid enthusiasm muted around the house, so it’s fresher for both of you when it swims to the surface for costume parties.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend is ADHD and always has two or three things going on at once. Today he was talking to me on the phone while he was up a ladder with nails in the corner of his mouth, getting ready to nail a board.
I was getting annoyed with him because I sensed he wasn’t paying me 100 per cent attention. When he finally confessed what he was doing, I was really mad, and worried he’d fall off the ladder and the nails would choke him or pierce the inside of his mouth. He told me, “Stop fussing.”
Really? I told him to call me back when he was ready to listen. He called me back five minutes later and repeated what I’d said to him, pretty much word-for-word. I was amazed. He really was listening to me. Wasn’t his attention split three ways?
— Puzzled Girlfriend, Charleswood
Dear Puzzled: It would seem he’s a got a mind with a hot front burner and two back burners. He really wanted to hear what you had to say, but could also do other stuff, almost without thinking.
People have different types of attention deficit disorders, and different degrees of it. Your boyfriend seems quite functional — maybe multi-functional. He’s really listening to you intently when you call. Why not get off his back and stop bawling him out, so he doesn’t fall off the ladder and swallow those nails?
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been lying on the bed in my buddy’s basement, feeling sick for days. My wife kicked me out and took the kids, and she had reason to. I thought I could juggle my job, and her, and our two kids, and another woman “just for fun” when I travelled on business.
The other woman is an old girlfriend of mine whose marriage broke up. She has no kids, no sex life and no affection, and wanted some. I was glad to help out, as things had cooled in the bedroom at home. My lonely ex was grateful, and fun, and it was a good deal for both of us — until my wife listened in on the home phone and found out about her.
Now the world has come down around my shoulders. I took two weeks off work to sort myself out. Big help that was! I go back to the office in a few days and I need to be able to focus on my job.
Please help me manage my work life until this horrible mess settles down.
— Living in Hell, North KiIdonan
Dear Living: Your sanity will start to return when you get into the groove of working again. Lying around at home is only good during the initial crying stage. Now you need work to force you out of bed and back into the world.
Try to work overtime if possible. You need it so you can stop obsessing about what you did. You’ll also need extra money so you can continue to support your children. You should also arrange to see a lawyer and your accountant, ASAP.
Breaking off with your sex buddy would help if you want to try get your wife back. Even if she doesn’t want you back, talk to a counsellor to help you deal with what has happened. A friend who’s a good listener would also help, but don’t wear out the guy who’s letting you stay in his basement.
Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.
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