Even hermits can make New Year’s Eve special

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 31/12/2018 (2816 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We have a New Year’s problem. My boyfriend and I are private people. OK, that’s a lie. To be honest, we don’t much like people in general, and certainly not to party with. We only like to party with each other (wink, wink).

We give each other a lot of space with a two-storey house and outdoor workshop and basement TV room. But we do really love each other and want to mark the new year in a special way, because 2018 was kind of a wipeout worldwide, in our opinion.

We have a home close to the city and some land. I guess we could make a nice dinner and I could a make a special dessert, but big deal. That’s boring! We do that all the time. Got any ideas?

— Hermits in Love, Winnipeg area

Dear Hermits: Consider taking your celebration outside tonight. Crank up the barbecue and heat up a special pizza with lots of crazy toppings and “2019” written in olives. You can go into town and buy one, or buy all the fixings and make it yourself. At the same time, buy some fireworks.

If you don’t want to set off fireworks, at least buy big sparklers and kiss outside at midnight as they sizzle. To mark your celebration, buy a selfie extension from a dollar store, so you can take a picture of yourselves without having to smush your faces together. Good luck and happy new year!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Last year, I made 10 very detailed New Year’s resolutions and taped them on the wall in the bathroom. I only kept three of them all year: 1) Take crappy-tasting expensive vitamins every day, 2) Don’t fight with my cranky next-door neighbour and 3) Save $300 every month.

Here’s how it turned out: now that 2018 is over, I can say I’ve never had so many colds in a year, so I’m ditching the expensive vitamins and going back to healthy foods.

I miss fighting with my neighbour and realize it was kind of fun, like a competition. We don’t even talk now. I’m going to pick a fight with her this week.

The only successful resolution is No. 3. After 12 months, I now have $3,600 in the bank. I love it! I’d take trip and spend it, but I feel so secure having it sitting there I’m going to save up another year before spending half of it on a trip.

The only resolution I’m keeping this year is to increase my savings to $350 a month. And no, I don’t want to invest it. Happy new year!

— Mr. Moneybags, West End

Dear Mr. Moneybags: Thanks for sharing your experience with my readers, as some will be making their own resolutions today. There are all kinds of resolutions — bad habits to stop, healthy habits, bucket lists, travel dreams.

I would categorize yours as “experiments.” Here are some tips to keep your three resolutions going. As for arguing with your neighbour, start by saying, “I’ve missed arguing with you. You’re fun to fight with. By the way, did you know that your car is parked three feet too close to mine in the driveway?” And then laugh! Make it a fun kind of bantering exchange instead of something nasty.

As for the vitamins, nobody gets everything they need just by eating, so take one decent multivitamin and some extra vitamin D through the winter (for all the sunshine we aren’t getting). As for the money, it’s clear you know what you’re doing and are completely happy with it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Last New Year’s, I wished for something and I got it. Well, I went out and worked for it. Now I have a new-to-me car that works. This year, I need help. I want my brother’s girlfriend in the worst way. You know what I mean. She is so sexy, I dream about her every night and think about her when I’m at work. I want her so bad, and she seems to like me, too, except she refers to me as “little brother.” Why does she do that? I’m six feet tall. Why does she tease me like that?

— Burning For Her, St. James

Dear Burning For Her: She can probably see the lust in your eyes as they travel over her body, and she’s trying to tell you she’s your brother’s girlfriend, not yours.

She’s not interested in you, but you will still like her type. It’s time to stop staring and wasting time fantasizing. Start looking for a girl who’s somewhat like your brother’s girlfriend in looks and personality. Good luck!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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