Don’t go changing to try and please (her)

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 20/02/2019 (2763 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend and I are in our 40s; we’ve both been married and have kids. She has dated and made some male friends along the way whom she still goes out with for a drink and conversation.

I know that she has used cannabis with her boyfriends in the past. I decided not to fight it, and have bought and enjoyed marijuana on occasion with her since it became legal. I’ve tried to be respectful of her life before we met and have no doubt that I’m the only one she is interested in taking to bed.

Recently, she has had conversations about marijuana with a male friend and mentioned wanting to try other types with him. I told her privately this was upsetting to me and that I didn’t think it was the equivalent of having a drink with someone, but more like deliberately getting drunk together. I essentially said I didn’t want her using the drug with him.

She got a little defensive and now I feel like she resents me. Am I overreacting, since I really do trust her?

—Trying To Be Cool, River Heights

Dear Trying: Why are you “trying to be cool” with your girlfriend? You’re in your 40s, not your 20s. One of the great things about being a full-grown adult is you don’t need to try to be anything you’re not.

It’s too late, for one thing! You’re fully formed and seem like a nice man. It seems you need a woman who is sweeter, warmer and more romantic than this woman who still has male “friends” who border on dates. The fact that she’s sexually true to you does not impress me much.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is my first time writing to Miss Lonelyhearts, but I could not help myself. My letter is in regards to Romeo-in-Training, who gave his lady a pair of diamond earrings for Christmas. (Instead of the diamond ring she was hoping for, after three years together — Miss L.)

At what point does any man lose the right to choose when and where he asks the love of his life to marry him? An expensive meal and a lovely card on Valentine’s Day or diamond earrings at Christmas are generous gifts. He has his reasons as to why he prefers to wait to propose. When that time comes, it will be all that much sweeter.

Obviously, I’m old fashioned. Ladies, let’s not manipulate or take this most important decision away from men. They have their pride and that should be respected.

— Love & Patience are a Blessing

Dear Blessing: This woman was losing patience after three years. Emotions are not something a woman has a choice about — and she was really hoping for an engagement ring at Christmas. He told me he was ready to propose now, but hadn’t bought the ring yet.

I encouraged him to propose at a restaurant with a lovely card, including brochures for diamond stores and an invitation to go ring shopping with him.

This lovely slow-moving fellow asked for a nudge, and I laid out a last-minute plan for him. I hope those two lovebirds are checking out sparklers as we speak.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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