Combat depression with activity, not alcohol

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This article was published 26/02/2019 (2758 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend has problems with depression related to bad weather and staying in the house.

He perks up when we’re together or on the phone. I don’t let it show, but he always brings me down a few notches as I don’t have depression myself.

I love him and don’t want to reject him when he’s down, but I’m tired of catching his bad moods.

If he drinks with friends at a bar, he’ll phone me in a great mood and chat away and be very fun and sexy. He’ll come over and we have so much fun in bed.

Not that I want him to become an alcoholic, but I like him better when he’s a little bit drunk.

I know this is wrong. Please help. — Sick and Tired Of His Moods, West Kildonan

Dear Sick and Tired: You’ll note he’s out with friends when he drinks, not home where it’s too quiet and depressing.

Start making formal dates with him where you do things together — meet with friends, play games, do easy things outdoors like snowshoeing, tobogganing or skating for fresh air and sunshine.

You don’t need to get him drunk to have a good time, but he does need to be social and get out to do things with you and different groups of friends, even if they’re all yours.

That will help with part of the problem, though not all of it. Is he getting any treatment to work on his depression?

Contact the Mood Disorders Association of Manitoba (204-786-0987) for a list of resources. 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had a cute girlfriend before Christmas, but she didn’t like my Christmas present — a little ring for her pinkie. She says she feels like wearing it means I own her.

I didn’t get her a ring for her ring finger on purpose and yet she took it the wrong way. I don’t want to own her. I just wanted to get her something pretty (and the ring wasn’t cheap).

She is just seeing me once a week now, and accepting one evening call a week and exchanging a few words and photos online.

My dad said, “I think she’s moving you out the door, son.” I think she is, too, but I don’t know what to do.

I thought of trying to make her jealous, because there’s another girl who likes me, but my dad says that would be unfair to her. But isn’t it all fair in love and war? — Feeling Rejected, North End

Dear Feeling: That old saying is untrue and just an excuse for bad behaviour.

If you tried to make your girlfriend  jealous by getting sweet and coy with the girl who sincerely likes you, then you are just using the new girl, and that’s mean.

Look, if you have to make someone jealous in order to get more attention from them, chances are that all you will stir up is possessiveness, not genuine feelings of love and desire.

Take a deep breath, call her up and have an open chat about what’s going on in your relationship. 

Be prepared for rejection, but don’t mope — she will be freeing you from a time-wasting relationship. Maybe she will tell you something that turned her off and thus help you be more successful in your next relationship.

Some people think you need to meet someone face-to-face to break up with them, but the phone is just fine as it gives you the privacy to cry, without being watched and pitied.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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