Romantic dinner spoiled by prejudice

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This article was published 25/02/2019 (2760 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m married to a beautiful Indigenous man. He’s tall, soft-spoken and kind, and treats me well. He works as a professional in a school division and for an Indigenous CFS agency helping kids on evenings and weekends. He also runs his own business on the side.

We went out for dinner on Valentine’s Day and were treated like second-class citizens. We had reservations and we were told to sit at a table by the entrance. The next couple who came in were told to sit wherever they liked. When it came to ordering, we had to flag down our server, but I didn’t see anyone else have to do that. We are very patient and waited quite a while. We waited a long time for our bill, so my husband had to go up and pay while everyone else was handled at the table. The final indignity? All the women were given the rose from their table to take home… except me.

It seems like a small thing, but we face this often when we go out. I have at times strategically seated myself so that I am the one the server sees first. I can’t believe in our day and age we still have to go through these things. People have reservations about dealing with someone who is Indigenous, and I think often they don’t even realize it.

It is something my husband deals with on a daily basis. God forbid if there is something wrong with the order and you have to flag someone down to correct it or take it off the bill. It can be a horrendous experience because other people start to watch.

One time at a coffee shop, my husband complained to a manager about sour cream in his coffee and they didn’t seem to believe him or want to replace his drink. Strangely, when I get involved and raise my voice, they listen (we really hate having to be like that).

If I can give a little advice out there. People who are First Nations, Indigenous, and Métis are the same as everyone else and deserve the same respect and consideration as everyone else. Please look at what unconscious, prejudiced thoughts you might be harbouring — and rethink them.

It’s easy to say, “I’m not racist” and still have fears or misconceptions about things. When you see a short Irish girl and her Indigenous husband sit down beside you at a restaurant for a meal, remember this: we are just like everyone else. Say hello. We are really nice and open to conversation.

— Tired of People’s Fears, Winnipeg

Dear Tired: Thanks for writing. Your detailed and thoughtful letter says it all. I am sorry to hear of the prejudice and mistreatment you are exposed to time and time again in Winnipeg. It is shameful. I’d like to hear from readers who have had similar experiences and from people working in the restaurant industry.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When I went out on Valentine’s Day, I realized my boyfriend was a dud. He asked me out, but “forgot” his wallet, again. I was embarrassed but ponied up my credit card.

I can’t tell you how often things like this have happened. Every time he acts cute and tries to dance out of it. But, I note he has occasionally remarked on how I make more money than he does. It is a matter of less than $10,000 a year and we both have good careers. He is just cheap.

We went to my place and I jumped out of the car when he stopped to park. He expected to be invited in for “the most romantic day of the year.” No way, I told him. I gave him a sweet card at dinner and he gave me nothing, not even a flower. “I’m unloading you and taking back my freedom,” I said. He called me some dirty names in a low voice and drove away.

Now he’s been calling and leaving apologetic messages on my voicemail. I am starting to lose resolve. I have no one else in my life and I am a woman with sexual needs. I gave all my time to him the past two years and left my friends behind. Please help me, before I break down and take him back.

— Worried I’ll Cave, St. Boniface

Dear Worried: Call up your old friends and make plans to hang out. Meet for lunch (on your dime), hit a movie or go for a walk-and-shop at The Forks.

Some friends you phased out will forgive your absence, some may not. Also, sign up for some group activities or classes to add extra interest to your life.

Don’t go back to this loser. He has insulted you in a vulgar manner and been cheap with you. He’s not a keeper, and you know it.

As for dating, give yourself a few months and focus on renewing your friendships. When you do start seeing someone, don’t give up your friends. If you break up, you will end up right where you are now — lonely and desperate. Set some standards now and stick to them.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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