Tinder war reveals cracks in relationship

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/02/2019 (2760 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend bugs me with Facebook, Instagram and email messages and cellphone calls up to 20 times a day. Every time he has a thought about me or wants to share something, he messages me. I told him to give it a rest and not be such an immature, clingy pest. I didn’t mean to send him looking for a date on Tinder, but that’s what happened.

One of my friends saw him there and reported back to me. Aha! So, two can play this game. I got on Tinder myself, and he was very surprised to find me there, looking sexy. When he squawked, I told him he went there first and fair is fair. I’ve already seen two hot guys I’d like to meet for a drink, and was quite open with my boyfriend about it. But he didn’t offer to get off Tinder and end this competition.

Now I’m left wondering if we have an open relationship or if we broke up? I’m scared to ask. Why? I love the jerk! Is it worth pursuing him? He went on Tinder without any discussion. Isn’t that stepping outside the relationship and cheating?

— So Mixed Up, Westwood

Dear Mixed Up: WEATHER BULLETIN: A major emotional storm is fast approaching. You have both stepped outside the exclusive relationship. You need to talk honestly and openly, face to face, and in a hurry. Either you both get off Tinder and tighten up your love relationship, or break up honestly.

It may be time you both realize you don’t have a long-term fit and move on. Remember, he’s still a needy guy who wants constant contact. The fact other women on Tinder find him attractive doesn’t change that. He’s still the same guy, but you’re jealous now and it’s blinding you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Don’t get me wrong. I love my daughter, but I can’t stand her right now. She secretly quit college at Christmas and didn’t tell me. She has just taken off travelling with friends without so much as a “by your leave.” I was paying all her tuition and she lived at home rent-free.

I say “was paying” because I won’t ever pay it again, even if she begs. I wanted her to be successful and secure with money in the bank, instead of growing up like me, not knowing where my next meal was coming from. I had to work at low-paying jobs until I finished learning a trade at night school. My daughter’s bio-dad took off a long time ago and we don’t know where he went.

— Kicked in the Face, Elmwood

Dear Kicked: Think about this another way — you got your wish! Your daughter is secure enough to leave her mother, and the guaranteed roof over her head, and go travelling abroad. She will come back having learned a lot more about the world and will decide what she really wants to do with her life. This time, she will pay for it.

Your job now is to relax and enjoy emails and Facebook posts from her, instead of being angry and sulking. Your daughter is living the dream you weren’t allowed to pursue. Take that extra money you were spending on her and go on a trip to see a friend or spend a week at a cheap end-of-season all-inclusive. It’s time for you to stop being so security-minded and reward yourself for all your hard work.

Don’t lose your daughter over this. She doesn’t want to live her life for you, in the style you wish. That’s normal. Just take a deep breath. She’s going to be fine, and so are you. Your days of self-sacrifice are over and your days of freedom are just beginning — all thanks to your daughter’s rebellious act. She needs to be free and to grow in the direction that is right for her.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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