Seek help for stealing problem as soon as possible

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/07/2019 (2586 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I caught myself “waking up” after shoplifting again, and it was the smallest thing, not even worth $2. I don’t know why I do it, but it’s happening more often now that I’m under stress with big exams looming this year.

Can you help me understand this? I’m afraid to research on the computer and find out I’m a certified weirdo. Where can I go for private help? I don’t want to lose my dream career before I even graduate, but I don’t have much money.

— Scared Older Student, Manitoba 

Dear Student: Kleptomania is the recurrent inability to stop yourself from responding to urges to steal items you often don’t even need, or have little value — like the $2 item you stole. It’s still on the spectrum of impulse-control disorders. You need to see a psychiatrist or psychologist about this ASAP, as your education and career are in jeopardy and you seem to be “on edge” with pressure. 

Shoplifting can provide a bit of theatre, a distraction from other worries, a thrill or a feeling of winning a prize. As with any win at a video lottery terminal, one may feel momentarily “rewarded,” but shoplifting can cost you far more than that reward! 

Talk to your physician frankly and request a referral to a psychiatrist (covered by provincial health care, but there are lineups) or a recommendation to a good psychologist (you must pay for this yourself, but they may see you immediately).

You can phone a psychologist and make your own appointment privately.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is for Too Much For These Eyes about the neighbour who wanders around his backyard at dusk in the nude. If this neighbour were as you suggest, an exhibitionist, I don’t believe he’d be waiting until dusk to be wandering around the yard in the buff. He’d simply do it in the light, where he’d be assured to be spotted by others.

He could well be a considerate and legitimate naturist who waits for dusk out of respect for his neighbours. He can’t wait for the skies to completely darken, as he wouldn’t be able to accomplish the gardening tasks he is undertaking. Perhaps he works a full day and then makes dinner and is not even able to tend to his yard until dusk.

To suggest that he is an exhibitionist getting a thrill from titillating his neighbours is an unjust assumption.

— Naturist Diva, Winnipeg

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: You were right on with your message to Ready to Blow (to let go of her outrageously flirting husband who rubs other women’s backs, sits too close and lavishes compliments on them). You suggested she consider leaving him before she has any babies with him. I agree, but she must get on it now! 

I lived with that kind of husband for many years. I changed from a confident, popular young woman to a pitiful wife who sat on the sidelines. He changed from an overly attentive boyfriend (I mistook it for love) to a “rooster in the henhouse” right after we were married. I became the housekeeper, not someone he wanted to be with.

Because of religious and economic situations, I stayed in the marriage.

I endured the circumstances by promising myself I’d leave him when the situation changed. Years later, after my nervous breakdown and professional counselling, he has changed to being a thoughtful husband. 

However, I still need to take medication to control the PTSD and nightmares from the past. My biggest regret is not dealing with it when it was happening.

— Been There, Winnipeg

Dear Been There: You’re still there. It’s not surprising you have PTSD when the guy who tortured you with his flirting is still in your life and sleeping in your bed. He may be more thoughtful now, but it’s like sleeping beside a physical abuser, even though he’s sworn he’ll be a nice guy. 

Why are you still with this man? If you are right now saying “because I love him,” you should know that some people we love are toxic to our health, and we can’t stay with them and expect to fully recover. 

Love does not trump emotional and mental health.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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