Lonely, loveless marriage not worth eventual payoff

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This article was published 01/08/2019 (2579 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is a careless cheater; as I often say, the man has “no class when he’s chasing —!” He often fails to cover his tracks when he’s excited about a new woman in his life. 

We’re in our 50s, no kids and to date, I have successfully hidden two affairs of my own from him. Am I proud of this? Yes. I’m hanging in there for the big reward. There’s a lot of money involved — more every year. We haven’t been in love since the early years of our marriage when I found out he was cheating on me with someone I knew. That really hurt and she and I stopped being cousins, and started being enemies.

I took a separate bedroom — no more sex from me — but he kept me around as I’m very good-looking — his trophy — also a great housekeeper and a fabulous cook. 

After quite a few years of loneliness, I decided to have affairs myself when he was away on “business deals” in the States. Right! My problem is I think I’m falling in love with my new guy — and I mean big-time! He’s a great guy, a widower and also with no kids, but he doesn’t earn big money. What should I do? I’m used to my lifestyle after all these years.

— Decision To Make, Tuxedo

Dear Decision: You’ll get a good settlement if you get a good lawyer and divorce your husband, without acrimony. That, plus your new man’s money and the salary from your new job (oh, does this surprise you?), and you’ll be comfortably well off. Better still, you’ll be happy, purposefully busy and in love. That’s real wealth.

If you stay for what you think will be big dollars when your husband dies, you will have wasted your years to be with your real lover. And there’s always the chance you may die before your husband does! And remember, there’s a great poverty in loneliness, even if you’re sitting in your mansion with loads of money in the bank.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love my cats. My new live-in surprised me by declaring he wants my fur babies gone! He didn’t say that before he moved into my apartment and took over as master of the place. 

As we speak, he’s sitting in what he calls the “man’s chair,” where I always sat with my feet up and the cats on my lap. I’m looking at him with narrowed eyes and my cats are, too. I suspect he may secretly kick them, as they cower when he goes by.

I think I want him to turn around and move right out, but how? I begged him to move in, because we had such a good sex life. He liked to be dominant so I should have guessed he’d turn into a real tyrant. 

What should I do? With every day I want him out more, and he’s scowling at me and not happy either.

— Showing His True Colours, West Kildonan

Dear True Colours: Tell him, “Obviously this isn’t working for you either.” Forcing your cats out was not part of the deal, so they’re not going anywhere. They’re like your children. Tell him he can move out any time, right now if he wants to. Since you were used to paying all the rent before he moved in, resume that responsibility and climb right back into the “man’s chair.”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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