Takes tech tack to douse old flame

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This article was published 04/08/2019 (2574 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met a drunk woman at a dinner with my wife last week. This was my wife’s college friend, in town for a little reunion of this old gang of women. Unfortunately, she recognized me before I saw her.

She was drunk and swooped down on me and gave me a big sloppy kiss on the mouth and said, “Imagine meeting YOU here!” It was the woman I dumped so I could finally ask out the woman who was to become my wife. This old date didn’t look anything like she did as a hot, young woman. Now she had bright pink hair and is overweight with big dramatic glasses.

She screamed out my first name and said, “Don’t you know who I am? Didn’t we have the wildest time in the university parking lots? Ha ha ha.” Then she spotted my wife and immediately wanted an intro to “the little wifey.”

My wife stood up to her full 5-10 and looked like she was getting ready to deck this woman. I stood up between them and said to the drunk woman, “If you know what’s good for you, leave me alone!” My wife was happy with that, and sat down with her arm possessively around my shoulders.

Somebody must have given this drunk “girlfriend” my cell number and she called the very next day. She was not apologizing. She wanted to know if I’d meet her privately for a drink.

I said NO, and she has kept on harassing me by phone every day since, although she lives in another city. I’m a polite Canadian and don’t know what to do besides saying, “Don’t call me again!” which she ignores. What do you suggest?

— Hassled by Old GF, River Heights

Dear Hassled: If a person is hassling you with unwanted phone calls, use a call-block option so she can’t get you from her number. Don’t feel bad for one minute, polite Canadian that you are! Your phone service provider will be glad to help you out.

If this woman then starts harassing you from another phone she uses, you’ll have to block that number too. This service is one of the greatest joys of modern telephone communication — you can usually get rid of pests without any more words spoken.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband has become totally withdrawn and very cranky. He spends hours and hours in front of a screen, but refuses to allow me to watch TV with him. He lives in isolation and has become so mean. However, in front of others he can appear sociable if he chooses.

He does not allow me to go to doctors’ appointments or give me any information. He has several medical issues. I worry this is the first stage of dementia. What to do? I’m struggling to maintain some sense of joy in life for both of us.

— Struggling, Winnipeg

Dear Struggling: It’s curious your husband can be sociable if he chooses. That indicates a degree of will is in play. He has some power over this silence and crankiness, so one has to wonder how much is really illness. Do you think he may have another “relationship” going on and he’s trying to get rid of you, or are you pretty sure it’s depression or an illness?

Go to your physician and talk about it. Also, see both a psychologist and a relationship counsellor on your own.

You need to go in feeling totally uninhibited and speak about everything you’re feeling, thinking and fearing about your husband — and your own life situation.

After these meetings you may want to give your husband a warning you are deeply concerned about the marriage and whether you can continue living with him, if there are no changes made.

Tell him you understand he may be depressed or ill, but that something needs to be done to help him. And that this is crisis time for you too, as you’re getting past the point you can bear living with him.

You may have to leave this house of silence and rude, unloving behaviour to save your own self.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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