Married man monkeys around at zoo

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/09/2019 (2206 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: At the zoo, in the recent warm fall weather, I met a guy on his own. We were laughing at the antics of the same animals, and ended up walking together closely and talking and bumping bare arms occasionally. One time I tripped and he caught me. I felt the sexual electricity between us, and we had more laughs and then a coffee.

Then he looked at his watch, and said, “I guess it’s time to go home for dinner with the wife and kids.” Then, just like that, he was gone. I felt every happy emotion inside me go flat. What had he been thinking?

He’d been flirtatious and fun, and he could see by my fingers I wore no rings. He didn’t wear a ring, either. Why did he let me spend those hours together, thinking we were both single, and that flirting was an OK thing?

— Used and Confused, River Heights

Dear Used and Confused: That probably wasn’t his first experience picking up a woman there. Not all men go to the zoo alone and plan to stay that way — unless they’re sad or thinking something through, and want to be in a pleasant space. This guy seemed quite at home with picking you up and enjoying a bunch of animal exhibits for some fun. He would have gotten a good feeling from your flirting back with him.

After getting his taste of “freedom,” he made himself feel righteous by announcing he was going home to his wife and kids. What a phoney. Next time you’re in a situation where you have just met a perfect-looking stranger you’re attracted to, and he’s flirting with you, ask him pleasantly, but with no buildup: “Are you single or taken?”

He might be evasive and say, “You’re making a big deal out of this, and we’ve barely met.” Then you can reply nicely but firmly, “It is a big deal. What’s your answer?” Cheaters don’t want to deal with women like that — potentially too much trouble. By asking outright, you can often avoid a “taken man” and his pickup scenario.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is a tall, skinny man, and I am a BBW: a big, beautiful woman. We’re both fine with this. At least we aren’t “two skeletons clanking in bed,” and we do have a great sex life. But being fat is still disgusting to some people, and people sometimes snigger about us behind our backs in public. Sometimes little kids point and say, “Look at the fat lady with the tall, skinny man!” I can take that, though it hurts.

But recently, we experienced the worst ever, from an old man and his wife at the St. Vital mall. He was digging his wife in the ribs and loudly reciting that old nursery rhyme: “Jack Sprat could eat no fat; his wife could eat no lean. And so between the two of them, they licked the platter clean!” He cackled away.

I told my husband I was going to go over and slap that old guy across the face! My husband grabbed my hand and held me back. I had tears running down my cheeks. He took me to the parking lot immediately and we went home.

I can’t just stand there and take it anymore. Miss L., it is horrible to be ridiculed as a couple. What, if anything, should we have done in retaliation?

— Not Jack Sprat’s Wife, Tuxedo

Dear Not: I think your husband could have approached the man within earshot of his wife and said, “Do you know how much you hurt my wife with that nasty nursery rhyme? She is a beautiful person and you made her cry.” Then he could walk away and let them deal with it. I have a feeling the husband might get an “ear ringer” from his wife. Or not. Perhaps she’s as ignorant of people’s sensitivities as is he. After all, they picked each other for mates.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.