Uncool! Cougar hitting on daughter’s boyfriend

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 29/09/2019 (2203 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend wonders why I don’t want to come into her house anymore when I pick her up. The truth is her mother has been coming on to me if her daughter is still getting ready. Last time she asked me if I play a lot of football. As if she didn’t know. Ha! Of course, I had to say yes, and she said, “I can see that, because you have really muscular thighs.” Then she gave me the hungry cougar look.

I encountered this once before with another date’s mother and I did the same thing — that time, I removed myself totally from the danger and broke up with the daughter. I’m afraid a woman like this would lie to her daughter about me, if she wanted to cause trouble and make me look like the hunter, not the hunted.

In this case, I feel different. I don’t know how to explain this problem to the daughter without breaking her heart. I really like this girl a lot and don’t want to break up with her, but I can’t see any other way out.

— Problem With Cougar, Waverley Heights

Dear Problem: You could quietly break up with this young woman and hurt her, and leave her wondering what she did wrong, or you can tell the truth about her mother. Sadly, chances are good she already knows this side of her mother — and will be happy to come out and meet you at your car.

People who are nervy and disgusting like this “mother” are not generally subtle with their remarks when watching athletes on TV, or elsewhere, and some are competitive over their daughter’s boyfriends.

You can bet Mom isn’t a lady in other aspects of her life, and you know she’s not loving and protective of her daughter’s tender heart. She’s quite willing to poach on her daughter’s territory with a young man she thinks is hot.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Although I agree with your advice to Distressed and Frightened to get help and protection from the husband who’s stalking her, I wonder why you didn’t address her cheating. She admits to having “extracurricular romantic activities” and is surprised when her man explodes when he finds out.

She’s not the only victim here. Why did she stay when she admits she hasn’t loved him for a long time? She played him for a long time. He was her meal ticket and now she’s saying, “Poor me.” Maybe she doesn’t deserve what he’s dishing out, but she deserves some comeuppance.

— Been Used, Winnipeg

Dear Been Used: Clearly, you know what being used is like, so you empathize with the husband. I did highlight this woman’s need to be safe from the husband, who discovered she’d been cheating. He was violent and is now stalking her. There is no justification for yelling repeatedly in her face and getting physical — shaking her hard and almost breaking her arm. And now he’s stalking her.

This is criminal behaviour, whether she was cheating online and/or off, and she admits she hadn’t loved the man for a long time. What you may have missed was one of the closing paragraphs, where I say: “So it’s time to turn your life around, and how about you start living an honest life romantically once this man is gone?”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.