Animal lover should kill relationship with avid hunter

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This article was published 28/09/2019 (2554 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new girlfriend likes to hunt and fish and I’m a no-kill kind of a city guy with a great love for all birds, fish and animals. On the other hand, she’s lovely, and as she pointed out, I do eat red meat and fish and chicken.

We had a fight on the weekend and called each other a few nasty, hurtful names. I’d like to get over this, but I know she’s going hunting this fall with her dad and brothers, and doesn’t need permission from me. It’s a huge turnoff, but she’s such a turn-on in other ways. Please help.

— The No-Kill Guy, Winnipeg

Dear No-Kill Guy: You need to put on a campaign to meet some new ladies, as this one is not a good fit for you — not for this fall, and not for life. You describe her as “a turn-on.” Mutual sexual attraction isn’t that hard to find when you’re young. You just have to get out there. So take this little fight as a push to get yourself out of the house and into the world of meeting ladies who don’t hunt.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went up to the lake Friday afternoon by myself to enjoy a last weekend and put some lake stuff away. My wife, who doesn’t like to do much with me, preferring her card-playing lady friends, stayed home.

As I was lighting the fireplace Friday night, there was a knock at the door. It was my neighbour from a few doors down — also a lake lover. She’s also nice-looking, divorced, with plans to “stay that way.” But cabins can get lonely this time of year, as she pointed out. I told her I was also here for the whole weekend.

She had brought over a bottle of some expensive hard stuff and I had some food to cook, so we got at that bottle. Whew! We soon got quite silly, laughing and pushing each other playfully — and then, with the fire crackling and night falling, we got very cosy. And then it happened.

Even so, this should not have been a big deal. I have not been 100 per cent faithful over the years, as my wife is pretty uninterested in sex. This lady is divorced and doesn’t have a boyfriend at the moment, but she’s worldly.

But strangely, it was a big deal for both of us.

We spent the rest of the weekend together talking as much as making love. In fact, we were very sad to say goodbye and drive in different directions. We had one last lingering kiss goodbye, swearing we’d never do it again, and drove towards our respective homes. I didn’t feel guilty at all, but as soon as I was an hour away from her, I was just dying to phone and see her again.

We started talking on the phone every day. Still, we both know winter lake romances are doomed because people get seen by other lake friends who drop in when they see somebody’s there. I feel like a young man again. I can’t think of anything but her. Then, today in tears, she told me to leave her alone unless I wanted to make it “a real romance,” not just a lake fling. What does that mean?

— Climbing the Walls, Winnipeg

Dear Climbing: She doesn’t want to be your Shady Lady. The deeper feelings between you, on top of the sexual ones, have touched her. By making it “a real romance,” she means you’d break up with your wife, and be free to have a relationship with love and sex and all the rest with just her. That’s what you have to decide about, and now you’re in trouble.

Look, people can get very intimate on their private cellphones, with clandestine visits here and there. This could end up being the kind of sizzling affair that could end your marriage. Are you prepared to do that? Maybe you are. If not, you will have to be the one who cuts it off, because the lake lady is single, has no other man to lose and everything to gain, if you choose her.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is in regards to “Big Sister, 17, and Little Sister, 14.” This is the younger sister who’s flirting with the big sister’s boyfriend. Your advice, that it’s up to her parents to set the young girl straight, is sound.

But shouldn’t the boyfriend be setting little sister straight? Seems to me he might be inwardly enjoying this, although he says otherwise.

I think he should let little sister know her flirting is not appropriate.

That may have a bigger affect on her than her parents.

— Just a Thought, Winnipeg

Dear Just a Thought: If the boyfriend has a chat with Little Sis, whose young heart is just a-thumpin’, he is interacting with the younger girl in a way that may feel intimate, even though he’s rejecting her. He’s probably never said anything personal to her before.

If he’s kind and sweet about the rejection, she’s going to be even sweeter on him. If he’s awkward and abrupt, and hurts and/or embarrasses her, what 14-year-old needs that humiliation as she starts her teenage life? She also doesn’t need a great big scene with the older sister telling her what a little nothing she is, and to “back off or else.” Ironically, the big sister is probably her role model.

No, I still say to leave this to the parents and particularly Mom. Little Sis may think Mom is old-fashioned and stupid. Or she may cry with embarrassment and anger — but it would be between her and Momma, and they have had words before, and she won’t be traumatized by their serious talk.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6. 

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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