How to handle waking up to a naked stranger

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 01/10/2019 (2200 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I woke up last Sunday morning in a bed with a young woman I don’t know. I remembered her face from the party upstairs. The female host had suggested that since I was disgustingly drunk, I should stay in the basement bedroom, so I got under the covers and conked out.

When I woke up, there was this beautiful girl beside me. I’d say she was in her early 20s and she was naked. I was totally dressed, also under the covers and even had my socks on.

I guess the party host — my old work buddy — must have given her girlfriend the same offer of a place to sleep after I’d passed out, so there we both were.

I said hello, awkwardly, and she looked at me like I was lunch. I felt sweaty and in need of a shower and a toothbrush. She didn’t seem to care. She slithered over and got me in a clinch and I froze.

Finally, I said, “Sorry, I don’t even know your name.” She was obviously annoyed, and said, “You’re no fun!” and jumped out of the bed, so I got the full view.

She went into the bedroom shower, came out and put on her clothes right in front of me (yes, I looked) and she went upstairs and out the back door. How should I have handled this?

— Feeling Stupid, River Heights

Dear Feeling Stupid: Actually, you handled it just right. Congratulations.

Turn this around to understand it: if a girl woke up fully dressed after the host offered her a bed, and she found a naked man beside her — and he slithered over to her for “lunch,” she would have screamed “GET OUT OF HERE, YOU CREEP!” So what you did by freezing and saying nothing — except you didn’t even know her name — got the job done perfectly. She paraded her body, sulked and left. Good on ya!

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new teacher looks like a certain handsome movie star. This is an adult class and other women have mentioned the resemblance.

We have started referring to him by his film-star name.

He caught us the other day when he came up behind us. I saw his face — a little startled — but he hasn’t mentioned anything. What should we do? Wait for our A’s or our F’s?

— Guilty Students, Winnipeg

Dear Guilty: Laugh it off. I’m sure he got a little smile out of it. It may not be the first time he’s heard this, if it isn’t his first year teaching, as this has always been his look. But cut the name-calling out. Renaming people can be embarrassing, awkward and hurtful, depending on the name and the personality of the person being teased.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a guy on the bus and we started sitting with each other and then going for coffees. I wanted it to be more. Finally, I asked him why we have never gone beyond friendship and he said, sadly, “Because I have a wife.”

My mouth dropped! He doesn’t wear a ring. He doesn’t mention a wife and marriage. I was in shock. I asked why he had done this thing and he said, “I don’t know. Maybe because I am lonely with my wife, but I will never leave her.”

I felt used, plain and simple. I said, “What about my feelings? Couldn’t you see they were starting to develop?” And he said, “Yes, and that’s why it felt so good being with you.” I just feel sick about this. How do I get past this?

— Fooled By Him, Downtown

Dear Fooled: Take an earlier or later bus to make it easier for yourself, and try to think of this as more of a holiday romance — nothing more can happen.

Then, phone your friends and ask them all out for a coffee in the next two weeks. Don’t leave empty coffee spots in your life where you used to see him.

There’s no point in trying to see him on a friend basis and dampen down your feelings. Find yourself a real platonic male buddy, if you want one, or liberate some time to look for a real, available boyfriend. It sounds like you’re needing one these days.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6.