Daughter loses her cool with critical mom

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This article was published 30/09/2019 (2530 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I love my mother, but she’s a witch. She used to be nice, but now she needs pills to make her agreeable, and she doesn’t take them regularly. She took early retirement, so she’s not old, and her memory’s perfect. She wants me to visit her more often, as no one else does.

I do visit, but I come home after and cry because she gets on me about all my faults. (She’s divorced, as my dad couldn’t take the constant haranguing. I’m jealous because he doesn’t have to listen to her anymore and I do.)

Yesterday, I lost it when she was putting me down and I named all her faults to her face. She started to cry and even had the nerve to be shocked — after how she treats me. My husband says: “Now you’re even with the old crow!”

Why don’t I feel better, then? I can’t stop seeing my own mother, but I can’t stand seeing her like this.

— Getting Beat Up, St. Boniface

Dear Getting Beat: I don’t know what her “nice pills” are, but you can insist she takes them and makes sure they’ve kicked in before you visit. If you arrive and she’s nasty, make a phoney excuse — “I think I left something on the stove!” — and make your exit.

As you go out the door, make sure you speak to her about her medication, and her irregular use of it. But no matter her excuse or protestations, you have to leave. You’ll soon teach mom you won’t be staying for any more abuse.

Consider calling her doctor to say she’s not taking her medication regularly, and is alienating people in her life (particularly you).

There may be better treatment options available.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Last summer, I met a young man at a horse-riding event. I haven’t forgotten him. He seemed to like me, too. I see him on Facebook. I only met him once, but I’d like to ask him to be my friend. But what if he doesn’t even recognize me?

— Crushing On Him, Outside Winnipeg

Dear Crushing: To avoid that problem, send a photo of yourself with your horse, mention exactly where you met and that you remember him and would like to be friends. That should give him all the information he needs to add you to his list.

You don’t need to say anything about how you felt about him. Just send a request to be his Facebook friend. You’ll learn about him more, through his Facebook interactions, and it will spark some natural conversation. Good luck!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love camping, and my husband has no interest. I keep asking him to come tenting with me and the kids, but he stays home while I go off and have a good time in nature. Still, I miss him and feel kind of angry about his not being a good sport. Shouldn’t couples be doing such activities together with their children?

— Alone With My Kids, Fall Camping Paradise

Dear Fall Camping: Men are known to take their kids camping, while others who hate camping stay home. Big deal!

Leave the wet blanket at home and enjoy this special time. Take lots of pictures for memories and invite another girlfriend (with kids, or without but who likes kids) to go along with you (with her own tent).

Don’t give up camping because your husband hates it. Your kids may end up loving it, and enjoy camping all their lives.

Don’t let the anti-adventure parent win!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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