Long, wonderful marriage had stinky start

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This article was published 18/11/2019 (2458 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Here’s my story of a six-decade romance! Sixty years ago in July, I went out to a friend’s cottage in Whiteshell with three other girls. When we arrived, we found the outhouse pail was full.

Not knowing what to do, our host suggested there was a young guy next door who might be strong enough to lift it out and empty it. I volunteered to go over and ask him. He said he and his family were just about to head back to the city, but he would come out the next evening with some friends after work and they would take care of our problem.

Sure enough, the next night they arrived around 7, emptied the honey bucket and we had an interesting evening with total strangers. We started dating later in the summer, married the following year and had 54 wonderful years of marriage before his passing. That’s my love story!

— Hope You Enjoy It, Suzie H.

Dear Suzie: Nothing like quirky beginnings to romances — no friends throwing you together, no awkward meetings through an online service. Just friendliness — and chance! People like to help, particularly if it’s a crazy situation — so there’d be lots of laughter and joking about the Honey Bucket Rescue.

It’s interesting this guy was quite able to round up a number of friends to come all the way back to the lake to help you four babes out with your outhouse. You can bet the ringleader for this rescue had his eye on you from the start; the other guys were mostly smokescreen. Congrats on your long, happy romance!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m the same age as my new boyfriend — our early 30s — but he’s an old soul and I’m a young soul. We like each other, but the other day he yelled: “Sometimes, it feels like I’m talking to my daughter, you’re so freakin’ immature!” And I said right back to him, “And sometimes it feels like I’m talking to Big Daddy.”

I don’t know whether to continue this romance. All we can agree on is it’s time to have babies in the next few years, and the sex is good. Another thing that freaks me out is we kind of look like family — same colouring, eyes and noses. What do you think?

— Old Soul vs. Young Soul, Brandon

Dear Young Soul: Good sex can confuse issues for awhile. “Monkey business” sounds like your greatest common interest right now and not much else is matching up (except your colouring).

It’s good you two have recognized the old soul-young soul difference as it’s much more important than “ages” defined by numbers. Enough of this! Go out and find yourself a guy who’s younger than you, or the same age, but with a matching maturity. You’ll be much happier when you no longer have a parent-teenager relationship.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I really love sex and close companionship. My husband knew this when he met me and claimed to be the same. He was a big liar! What he really likes is relaxing in front of the computer and/or boob tube. He spends from 6 p.m. to 2 a.m. mesmerized by sports, politics, nature shows, movies and re-runs of favourite TV series. He’s addicted — like half the adolescent population in the past 10 years!

As a consequence, I don’t have his attention, don’t go out with him, just spend my time with girlfriends. There’s little or no sex without the TV on, and he’s got one eye on a show at the same time as we’re making out. A few months ago, I told him he was no longer a real husband to me and I was treating our relationship as a non-marriage, since he was married to his screens.

Soon after, I met a fun man and we started a hidden relationship with lots of great sex and companionship. My husband finally figured out the reasons for my sudden coldness to him and my absences by digging into my electronics — my phones and computer. He threw much of my stuff into the snow in the yard. I’m living at my mom’s house now. Only good thing left is I have a decent job. But I have no clue what I’m doing. Please help me!

— Going Crazy, St. Vital

Dear Going Crazy: First, use your money to get yourself to a good relationship counsellor and dump everything out on the table — all the snakes and ladders, half-thoughts and contradictions. Explain that you’re totally mixed up about your husband, his screen addiction, your lover, where to live, a possible divorce, the whole mess. Leave out nothing.

Here’s another tip: you need to see a good domestic lawyer fast, especially if you and your husband share a house/cabin/vehicles/big toys. You’ll need to settle the money issue fairly. Your husband abandoned you in favour of his screens, so don’t give away more than your 50 per cent out of guilt for the affair.

Finally, if you were madly in love with your new man, you’d be looking for your own space or moving into his, not living with mom. Underneath all the anger, do you still love the man you married? Is it worth fighting to try to get him back and off the screens addiction? Good luck on that front. It’s highly unlikely your husband thinks help for “an addiction” is necessary. To him and his friends, watching TV and playing games is natural — everybody does it and it’s no big deal.

He may have forgotten about sports, the arts, getting together with friends, having fun with you and making love. But more importantly, you lost his trust, so he may wonder, “Why should I try?” Or not! He might surprise you and welcome the chance to try again with you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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