Take practical approach with Prince Charming

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 23/12/2019 (2439 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just met the love of my life 20 years too late! This was the guy who was supposed to fly in two weeks early for the lead-up parties and then the wedding. He and my fiancé were military buddies.

Instead, my fiancé’s friend got a big promotion and went off to Europe immediately, never to return again. Good thing! I swear I never would have married my husband if I’d laid eyes on this new man even two weeks before the wedding. I would have called that wedding off! He is my soulmate, for sure, and so handsome.

He finally came to Winnipeg for Remembrance Day this fall. We met, and it was like something clicked for both of us. More like a lightning bolt — it was love at first sight. Maybe we were even lovers from a previous life. He had not brought his wife.

Both our marriages are not good and my husband keeps threatening to leave me, because I don’t want him gambling all our money away. Prince Charming has a wife who drinks way too much.

I am facing the worst Christmas of my life aching for him. What should I do? I’m in a panic — afraid I’ll never see his face again!

— Going Crazy This Christmas, Winnipeg

Dear Going Crazy: You and “Prince Charming” have to sort your own lives out separately, not hinging on what the other person does. If you may truly be finished with your husband, then either give it one last try with counselling or issue an ultimatum about the gambling that he’ll probably ignore, and then you’re off the hook. Then you can probably split without too much commotion.

Whatever you do, wait until the new year and for emotions to settle down for you and your family before you do anything to initiate a split. That means hiring a lawyer and an accountant you don’t share with your husband, figuring out what you’re going to do for money, where you’re going to live and how you’re going to tell the kids, if you have some you forgot to mention.

As for being in touch with this other guy, you and I both know you’re going to contact him. So, simply let him know if you free yourself. Then wish him all the best for 2020 and leave it there — unless he has also been making changes in his personal life and wants to talk. “How are you doing?” is all you’ll have to ask.

If he says very little, it may be because he’s in shock. Just say goodbye nicely. You have no right to expect anything. But who knows what might happen, given some time.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: SOS! I’m in need of some very quick help. I don’t have much money for Christmas and I still want to give presents, as I know very well I’m getting them from my parents, older brothers and sisters and grandma.

I am younger than the rest of them, strong and get high marks in school, but a “dunce with money,” my dad says. I’m always broke as a joke. What do you suggest? I have about $10-$15 for all of them.

— Desperate, St. James

Dear Desperate: The best “free gifts” are worth a lot — like a book of coupons customized for each family member. You spend $10 on coloured construction paper and markers, and get to work. First you have to figure out which tasks each person hates doing the most. Then you make coupons they can hand to you to fulfil their wishes.

This could be yucky work, like emptying and refilling the cat litter box or taking the stinky trash bag to the garbage bin. Your mom will probably love that. Or a slightly less yucky — but time-consuming — coupon: doing the family’s laundry.

Shovelling sidewalks without complaint is a great coupon for your dad or older brother who may be stuck with the chore. Giving the dog a bath is a good one for the parents or a sibling. Brushing the cat is a nice thing to do for anyone in the family who pets them the most. And playing Scrabble or card games can be a fun one for you and grandma.

A “Free Hug Any Time Requested” coupon is a nice one for anybody who hugs easily. A “Free Compliment” voucher can be a fun one for the receiver… if a little embarrassing for you. Breakfast in bed for your parents could be an adventure in the kitchen, and will serve you well when you get older. And here’s a forward-thinking coupon: counting and rolling the contents of your parents’ change jar for a very small cut could work out well for your January money situation.

You should give about three to five coupons to each family member, and vow you will do everything asked of you quickly. As for presentation, decorate the coupons nicely and then staple them together into booklets.

If you want to go further (and if mom has extra wrapping paper), pack up each coupon book with a ribbon and put them under the Christmas tree or hang them from a branch like decorations. Make sure YOU dish them out Christmas morning, so no one misses theirs. Merry Christmas!

P.S.: How about getting a part-time job after the holiday season, so your dad will stop calling you a dunce?

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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