Dump the jerk for good before bitterness sets in

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 23/02/2020 (2341 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend plays on my jealousy all the time, and then mocks me for it! I’ve tried breaking up with him, but then he comes back like Mr. Reasonable and Lovable, and he pulls me back in.

I’m so mad at him lately, I feel like being really mean. Last time I caught him flirting (like last week!) I made fun of his 10-second lovemaking. I know all the things that’d really hurt him and I want to say them. How can I get myself loose from him?

— In Love With Ladies’ Man, Downtown

 

Dear In Love: You’re “in love” with the part of him that isn’t out flirting and making you jealous, but that part seems to be shrinking. Take a look at your history with him. At this point, you’ve sunk to the point of wanting to wound him pretty badly. Can you not let go and find a man who doesn’t play these games?

Is there something you get out of these games that suits you — like the up-and-down drama? If not, clear out before you become a sharp-tongued, crying, messed-up wreck, ironically still under his thumb.

 

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend chews gum all the time. I mean, day and night. It’s because she’s a smoker and doesn’t want to have disgusting breath.

I’m a country guy and recently I looked at her and she reminds me of a cow chewing her cud. Yesterday, I lost it and said, “Spit that gum out!” and stuck out my hand like a teacher in school, and made her do it. Then I said, “And give me all the back-up packages in your purse.” She could see I was really boiling mad, so she did it.

I put them in the glove compartment and locked it and said, “Every time you smoke a cigarette in this truck, you can have another piece of gum.” So she started smoking up a storm! I’m at my wits’ end.

I quit smoking a year ago and I get as much second-hand smoke in that truck as I used to get inhaling my own smoke. The air is blue. I’ve lost respect for her and am feeling a lot of anger.

Yesterday it came out. Now I don’t know what to do. Kissing her is like kissing an ashtray and often there’s a piece of gum she has stuck behind one of her teeth. Yuck! Am I being a hypocrite since I used to smoke?

— Falling Out With Miss Ashtray, Osborne Village

 

Dear Falling Out: Lots of people break up with partners who are addicted, especially if they have recently kicked the same addiction. Smoking is still your girlfriend’s addiction.

You’re quickly headed toward breakup so it’s only fair to warn her, and she may tell you there and then she’s tired of you telling her what to do and acting like a grade school teacher, so goodbye! Or she might be so shocked she quits smoking within a few weeks.

There are lots of smoking cessation aids. Doctors and pharmacists are happy to explain to them and recommend the best ones. When I quit smoking many years ago I used a combination of methods. But then I had just found out I had a baby on the way, and that was the impetus.

 

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have an American boyfriend who moved to Hawaii to work for his company, but he doesn’t live on the beach. Going to visit him there is like going to any other big city unless we make a plan and go to the beach. It costs me a lot of money to fly there, and he makes the big bucks, so he often sends me tickets.

I really want him to come to Canada, but he says, “Why would anyone leave Hawaii?” It doesn’t feel like big surf Hawaii where he lives to me! Besides, he’s not big on going to the beaches with me and that’s really disappointing. Should I break up with him?

— Beach But No Beach, Winnipeg

 

Dear No Beach: It must be hard when the beach and ocean are there, but that’s not where you’ll be going! Since there’s no beach to draw you, it’s all about loving the guy’s personality — or not.

It’s not really there anymore, is it? I’m certainly not feeling the love from your letter. If it’s an expensive online romance, there has to be love or it’s not worth the plane rides, the spending money and the time. Plus, it’s insulting he doesn’t want to use some of his big money to fly to Canada where we have beautiful beaches in the summer. It may be time to go boyfriend shopping again.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.