Three is definitely a crowd

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 04/03/2020 (2385 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My friend from work and I decided a year ago to move in together and split rent and bills. Things were working out really well until she started bringing her new boyfriend over. The odd sleepover escalated to weekends, and now it’s like he’s the third roommate.

My problem is he eats all the food and never thinks to replace it. Not to mention the increase in utilities. I mentioned my concerns to my roommate and her response was, “You’re just jealous!” I’m not jealous, but I don’t like being taken advantage of either. 

Now our work situation together is not good either. I’ve tried to talk with her, but she ignores me. I’ve actually written her a letter, but she says she didn’t even look at it, as we should be able to talk. Why am I making the effort to make things better, when she obviously doesn’t seem to want to make things right? The lease is in my name or I would have left. What more can I do?

— Three’s a Crowd, North End

Dear Crowd: You could ask her, and the new boyfriend, to vacate, then find another roomie. Or you might look for a funky suite in a big house, but check out your possible landlady or landlord carefully before moving in. They can be worse than a bad roommate! I once had a landlady who snooped through my clothing and underwear drawers, left everything all awry and commented on any friend I had over, and I don’t mean lovers.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My dear husband of 15 years recently passed away. He was very sick for the past year. His only child — by his first wife — rarely called or came to visit his father. The only time his son came over was to “borrow money.” I should mention his father took him out of the will and did not leave him anything. 

Now that his wealthy father has passed, he thinks I owe him — that I should give him money because I got his father’s home, cottage, cars, and income from investments. He keeps calling or randomly coming over to harass me for money. I did break down and give him some money recently. Big mistake! Now, he looks at me as his new gravy train.

I’m at the point I want to put the properties up for sale and start over somewhere far away from my stepson. I was thinking maybe I should have my lawyer draw up a contract to give this guy a lump sum and stipulate he’s never to see me again. What do you suggest? 

— Time For the Gravy Train to Leave? South Winnipeg 

Dear Gravy Train: You need to get a lawyer and the police involved, as this young thug has you frightened into giving him money his father didn’t want him to have. If you give him a “settlement” (no matter what size) he’ll be back as soon as he blows through it. As for thinking you have to leave town, you certainly don’t. Your lawyer can advise you on a series of legal moves that will get this man out of your life for good, or locked up in jail. If he sees there’s nothing more coming to him from you, he may move on to the next prospect, like a rich girlfriend, and perhaps move to a place he’s not known.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I could not be more surprised! An old love has come back into my life. I cheated on him in college because he was more in love with “his studies and his buddies,” than he was with me. I was always left all alone. He’d see me once a week on Thursday nights for dinner and a movie and then sex. I’d go to parties with my friends from university residence on the weekends when I was lonely. Not surprisingly I met quite a few nice guys. 

Although I loved my pre-med boyfriend, I started seeing one guy particularly, on weekends. Finally, I got careless because I wanted to get caught, in a way, to show my mostly absent boyfriend I was worth something to somebody else! He was mortified, actually cried, and dumped me.

Well, that was almost 20 years ago and his two marriages ended due to the lack of attention he paid to his women. The man I married after university was a great guy, but sadly he died.

The new version of my old college boyfriend is not a workaholic anymore and loves to go out with me and have fun. My only fear is that from underneath his forgiveness of my previous cheating the anger and distrust might surface again. What do you think?

— Scared to Trust Him, Winnipeg

Dear Scared: Do you believe people can change? Some do, and they can move on to be better people — like you did. Test this old flame out a while longer. Now that you’ve been through a lot, you know you’re not likely going to “break” if there’s another romantic disappointment. Why not give it a real try this time? Chalk it up to both of you being “young and stupid” when you first knew each other, and now you’re mature and smarter.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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