Lonely aunt needs boundaries

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/03/2020 (2326 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My aunt lives with us and she talks on the phone all the time with my uncle, who is currently teaching outside the country. I get that they miss each other and that’s fine, but the things they say to each other, when we can hear them on the phone, are far too sexy. She doesn’t seem to have any boundaries.

I guess the lack of intimacy has taken a toll on them. The other day my mom overheard her and reamed her out. Although I first felt similarly grossed out, I now feel sorry for my aunt. LOL. I feel like I should talk to my mom and my aunt, but I don’t want to embarrass my aunt and I don’t want to get reamed out by my mom. What would you do?

— In The Middle, West End

Dear In The Middle: Speak to your aunt and let her know you understand her problem. Ask if there’s any way she could go join her husband in the country where he’s teaching. Is this a temporary position with a lot of money involved? Would she be foolish to give up her work here?

If it’s a case where nothing can be changed, she needs to make intimate phone calls in her bedroom, in a park or in her car, so no one else can hear. She might even put a folding chair in the closet for intimate calls — an old trick from a longtime Miss L. reader!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: With all the coronavirus stuff going on, I’m starting to experience some racist stuff from my friends. My family is Chinese and we live in the city. My friends are multicultural, and some of them are idiots, but we all get along. Or at least we did.

When the coronavirus stuff started, some of them started making jokes, and I let it go for a while, but they always came back at me. It’s started happening more and more frequently.

I finally got seriously mad and told off the usual suspects — some who work with me and some who play sports with me. Now some of us aren’t talking to each other and it all seems so stupid. How can we make a bridge back to the way things used to be?

— Feeling Sad and Uncomfortable

Dear Sad: Approach the closer friends you told off, and have a talk. They are probably scared to say anything to you, because they now know you are (understandably) sensitive, and they are oafs who are liable to put their feet in their mouths again.

Tell them how it feels to be lumped into a problem that originated in a country where you no longer live (or never lived) and stress that you are Canadian now, if that is so. Then tell them you consider this issue over and resolved, and that you want to be friendly again.

As for the other guys who are not close, like guys on your sports teams you may have straightened out, just start saying hello to them again and carry on. They will be glad the awkwardness is over, and you don’t need a “talk” to recover close friendships that didn’t exist.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I sat on a bench near a store with a man the other day who wanted to chat. He was very fat and took up most of the bench and his thigh almost touched mine. (I am a small woman.) At one point he put his greasy paw on my knee and I jumped up, told him to get lost (using the F-word), and took off fast. Did I do the right thing?

— Teenage Girl, Downtown

Dear Teenage Girl: You were right to denounce him — loudly I hope — although “This man put his hand on my knee!” is better than swearing, as it alerts other people around to what he has done.

Groping a young woman’s knee is not part of a friendly chat with a stranger on a bench — and that man knew it. You can phone the police at their non-emergency number (204-986-6222), as this fellow may be doing this with other women too.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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