Hands-off policy best for both of you

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 05/03/2020 (2356 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My hubby is way too good-looking. I’m always afraid I’m going to lose him to some hot female on the make and I’m amazed at how bold they can be with him. I came up behind him when a woman was just about to put her arm around his waist to surprise him. I caught her arm and twisted it just a little to give her the message and said, “I am the woman he loves, and we’re married.” 

The word is out I’m fierce in my protection of my mate. He thinks it’s cute, so I continue. Then last weekend we were at a big party with big-shot men and women from his business. I spotted a guy from high school and went over and put my arm around his shoulders to say hello. My husband suddenly popped up and removed my arm from his shoulders, and said, “What goes around comes around.” He was clearly not amused. 

So now what? Have I lost my freedom? I didn’t like that feeling. But hey, I’m not the one who looks like a Hollywood star, so what’s the danger of his losing ordinary old me who gave birth to his kids?

— Hardly a Tightie Anymore, Crescentwood

Dear Hardly: I’m not saying you’re wrong, but there are a lot of men and women who think their mates are a lot hotter than other people do. You may not be a movie star, but you own his heart and are the mom of his children. 

You’d best make a deal with your mate that each of you takes action, yourself, to stop somebody who’s pawing you and causing embarrassment or feelings of jealousy. 

It is smart for you and your husband to remove someone’s bold hand from your own waist, shoulders or any area on your body where it shouldn’t be, and remark on it, if necessary, but arm-twisting is going too far. 

These days even hugging somebody — especially people we aren’t intimate with — is usually prefaced with, “Do you mind if I give you a hug?” Or to a close old friend, “OK if I give you a kiss on the cheek?” If they hesitate for an instant, back off, as it’s a no-no. These are modern times and people shouldn’t take any liberties.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a man in a back alley whom I know from a time when we both worked for the same restaurant. He was obviously out of work and down on his luck. He looked down, then up, and met my eyes. I had a $20 bill in my pocket and palmed it to him in a handshake and said, “For old time’s sake!” and walked on by. He called “thanks” when I was turning out of the alley. Was I right or wrong for doing this?

— Feeling Uneasy, Downtown

Dear Uneasy: What’s the trade-off? Pride or food when one has no money and it’s cold? Most of us would take the food, even if we were embarrassed. When he finally looked down at how much you handed him, he was elated enough to shout out a belated thank-you. It was obviously the right thing to do, and good on you for giving him something more than a little change.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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