Cultivate mystery to spark chase

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This article was published 11/03/2020 (2350 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m in love with a separated guy at work who isn’t in love with me yet. He’s still mixed up with his ex-wife, who dates openly. He’s a super-competitive sportsman and thinks he has to win her back and beat out the other guys. Then he plans to dump her and be with me… maybe.

Miss L., I love this guy, but he’s no great shakes in bed. But then I’m not that good myself. I was brought up in a religious family like him, and only now am I learning, as a divorced woman, about passionate sex as opposed to see-sawing. I’m reading novels of the hot variety and will be much better at sex in the near future. Then maybe I can teach that goofball something.

He and I have been friends for years, and I just love him to pieces! How can I get him to drop the idea he should “win” his wife back, and then dump her on her head? She picks younger guys who are sporty like him — kind of like he looked in his earlier days. She isn’t discreet either — she likes to rub it in. She wants him to know. No hope for him there!

He and I are best of friends and tell each other almost everything. He doesn’t know I’d take him and marry him in a minute, if I could. Then I’d teach him a few things in bed. Ha! Me, a Mennonite girl, teaching him how to be a hot rod! That’d be good!

So how can I hurry this issue of his along? I want him sooner, not later, and we’ve only been to bed three times in a year.

— Lady in Waiting, Manitoba

Dear Lady in Waiting: Right now, his wife is chasing men in general, her husband is chasing her, and you’re chasing him. It’s time to drop out of this craziness and introduce a new project — creating a more fun life for yourself — open to meeting men other than him.

That may awaken his competitive side, and point it in your direction. Tell him breezily you can’t wait forever and that you are looking at who might be available to you other than him. Don’t wait for an answer.

Start with nice clothing at work, a great haircut and some jewellery. Start going out more with friends. Stop reporting everything back to him. The point is, right now you’re just waiting around for him, and he’s s sporty type who needs to chase. How can he chase you if you’re right there for him?

One evening when you’re going out after work, go into the bathroom and change and come out looking sexy and smashing. Wave bye-bye quickly and let him digest that. Don’t give him the blow-by-blow the next day. Say, “Sorry, that’s personal.” You need to create a little mystery, without telling lies.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Another option for the Son of Fighting Parents who has a new girlfriend would be to prepare his new girlfriend in advance for family dinners. As soon as the battle starts (with his right-wing dad and his wife over U.S. politics and such) give them ONE warning about having a pleasant dinner, or he and his lady will leave. If they continue fighting, simply walk out. Parting words? “I love you both, and we will be happy to come back if we can have an enjoyable evening.”

— Different Idea, Manitoba

Dear Different Idea: Your idea is good. I like the take-charge attitude and then the soft exit line as they depart, leaving things open. But, if that doesn’t work, I still think it’s a good idea to take dad and mom out separately for meals or activities, and to sometimes include the girlfriend, explaining you can’t take their fighting anymore and won’t expose your new lady to it on a regular basis.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a problem with being honest to the lousy dollar, or so I’ve heard through the grapevine. If a friend gives me $10 to buy a couple of beers and it costs eight, I’ll keep the change instead of giving a tip. You know, unimportant things like that. I see that as being a smart guy, earning myself a little extra coin here and there.

I asked this cute girl out I often see at the bar, and she said, “No, thank you!“ and then “Never!” I asked her why, and she said no in two ways. She said the gossip about me is that I’m “cheap” and “nickel-dime dishonest.”

I’m a good-looking guy and I don’t see how a few bucks I pocket here and there should upset her. So I had myself a few more drinks, cornered her and asked for more information. She said: “You’re a character, but you have no character.” I don’t even know what that means. Should I wait a few weeks and ask her out again?

— She’s Worth Waiting For, Downtown

Dear Worth Waiting For: She said no twice, and then explained you lack honesty and strength to do what’s right, and have a weak personality. That’s a big no vote — a thumbs-down. So don’t pester her, or you’ll get rejected again.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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