Bad-boy gambit backfires badly

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 15/03/2020 (2039 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met a total “bad boy” musician at a club in Winnipeg and I knew he was just wild enough he’d get my conservative parents going — tattoos, beard, earrings, tight pants, hot build… the works. I could hardly wait to bring him home, and see them freak. I have always been their studious good girl and my sister is the rebel. Well, I’m sick of that crap.

But when I brought my bad boy home and I got a shock. My mother was trying to flirt with him! My dad, who used to be in some lame old rock band in the ‘80s and ‘90s, shook his hand, and didn’t seem impressed one way or the other. My 15-year-old sexpot sister was WAY too interested, couldn’t believe he was mine. I set her straight in the bathroom!

This family introduction thing went sideways, in my opinion. My mom asked me last night when I’m going to bring him over again, and said she’d cook him spareribs, which he told her he loved. Yech. My dad said “He seems like a bright boy.”

Why were my parents not shocked? The fact he plays in a band didn’t appear to worry them. “That explains the tats and jewelry“ my dad said to mom, real cool about it, and changed the subject. They didn’t like the fact he was four years older than me, but other than that, he got the family blessing. Somehow I feel disappointed, though I like him a lot. Maybe you can help explain this to me.

— Mixed Up at 18, Southdale

Dear Mixed Up: You wanted to be seen as more of a rebel and thought trotting Bad Boy through your parents’ house would have them in a fuss. Imagine if they’d thrown him out. Would that have made you feel better? I doubt it!

This has more to do with your own self-image as a boring young lady. Look, you have no idea what your parents were like before you met them. Dad’s lame band in the ’90s may have been wild, and mom might have been a rocker chick or (gulp) one of his groupies. Check your dad’s ears for piercing holes, and get back to me!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have reconnected with a childhood friend who recently moved back to Winnipeg. As kids we did everything together — including experimenting by kissing pillows. When we hit our teenage years and got into drinking, we had no boyfriends yet and sometimes experimented sexually. We are now in our late 40s, so this was decades ago.

I have introduced her to my large group of friends and now she has brought up our sexual experimentation in conversation! I shut it down fast, and made like she was joking, but I feel like she wants me to go there with her again. I’m feeling really uncomfortable.

In social situations, she’s been starting to hug and kiss my cheek, in front of people. I’m happily married with teenage children — I don’t want to go there with her. She’s also been phoning me in the last couple weeks (often after a drink too many) almost to the point of stalking me.

That sexual experimentation was way back then — before we had guys — and this is now. How do I get rid of her?

— Embarrassed By Her, Transcona

Dear Embarrassed: “Getting rid of her” sounds a tad mean. You need to talk frankly, but kindly, to her. Her only sin is having a crush on you and being too vocal about your teen experiments. Tell her clearly you’re not available and not interested in any adult sexual experimentation. Then, encourage her to get involved with the Rainbow Resource Centre in Osborne Village which serves Manitoba’s lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, two-spirit and queer communities (rainbowresourcecentre.org). She doesn’t need to feel lonely and isolated in Winnipeg.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.