Alaskan move involves far more than heart

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 18/03/2020 (2319 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m writing about the guy whose girlfriend got a job offer in Alaska to work and wants him to give up his job and go with her. He says he won’t. (Miss L. told him to try to keep her as his long-distance lady, and see how it goes. If she likes the job, he might join her up there — and find out he loves it.)

I am a former green-carder (a foreign national who had the right to live and work in the U.S.). I have a few questions for him. Does she already have permission from the U.S. government to reside and work in the country? He should know getting permission could take years, and is a separate case from hers. It will take years if he doesn’t have special job exemption. He is moving to another country, not someplace else in Canada. There is lots of homework that needs to be done by both of them. He should first contact the U.S. Consulate here in Winnipeg.

— Been There, Done That, Winnipeg

Dear Been There: There are lots of negatives to uprooting. Your own experience didn’t seem to work out, but I still encouraged this man not to break up at this point, but to keep his job and visit his lady there. Who knows? They might both love Alaska, or (surprise) she might hate it and be back quickly.

When people love each other, they have to try to keep channels open when a big change is in the air to see if they really need to break up — or not. Love is precious. A knee-jerk negative response can be a big mistake.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A personal letter arrived in our mailbox for my live-in boyfriend and it had a decorative seal on the back. Also, it had a faint smell of perfume — the same scent he encouraged me to start wearing (with a gift from him) when I met him. I recognized it instantly and my antennae went up.

I hate to admit this, but I steamed it open and read it. Yes, it was from his last girlfriend, and she was trying to get him back. I sealed the letter back up, using a technique I learned as a teenager, and let him pick up the mail out of the box. I watched him that night and he didn’t bring it out and leave it anywhere in plain sight. It must have stayed in his coat pocket. In fact, if I hadn’t known about it, he probably never would have mentioned it. I did allude to it in the mailbox, and he shrugged it off saying “her loss.”

Nothing seems different with him and me this week. He is just as loving, but I threw my perfume bottle away. I feel insecurity inside me. I had no business opening his letter, but all is fair in love and war and I did it, and now I hurt and worry. Should I mention I actually read the text of his letter?

Conflicted Letter Opener, Winnipeg

Dear Conflicted: Tell him you saw it sitting in the mailbox, knew it was from a woman, and smelled it and recognized the perfume. Ask him what it meant to him and if she is also contacting him by phone or online. He may tell the whole truth or change it, or refuse to talk about his personal mail and emphasize how rude you are being.

Then ask him why he bought you her brand of perfume to wear. It could mean he misses her or it could mean nothing. I know a woman who convinced three consecutive boyfriends to wear the same cologne because she loved that men’s cologne, not because she loved the man who wore it first.

This conversation you’re about to have will be revealing of his feelings and he may be angry with you for even bringing up the letter you shouldn’t have seen (but the old girlfriend wanted you to see).

Since you’re living with him, you deserve to know where you stand and if she’s trying to get him back — and if he would actually want that to happen.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography