Falling for twin is not a two-for-one

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 20/03/2020 (2318 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m still trying to figure out what’s happening in my crazy love life. I met a guy who’s a twin and fell for him hard. Last week his twin brother came home from another city and I met him. They are so much alike, yet I love my twin — and the other brother leaves me lukewarm.

Is it because I fell in love with the first twin who “imprinted” on me? Or is it because the second twin already has a girlfriend? The twins have the same voices, personalities, senses of humour, yet I instantly know my twin the moment he walks into the room.

There is no problem yet, but what if I fall out with my twin over something? Would my heart extend itself to the other brother? Thank God the two guys live in different cities! Am I wasting time worrying about this stuff? I’m nervous about something bad happening and my feelings shifting over.

— In Love with a Gorgeous Twin, Winnipeg

Dear In Love: They aren’t twin dolls, but two different human beings. You forget these twins have had their own sets of experiences, romantic relationships, feelings and different tastes in people. It isn’t a case of two identical versions of the same person, and they live in different cities, having unique experiences. While voices and personality types might be similar, their brains are quite different.

You could read a bunch of studies on twins, but I doubt your boyfriend would be impressed. He’d rather feel like a regular person to you — not half of a pair of twins that intrigue you for that reason.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was invited to dinner at my distant relatives’ house — not a frequent occurrence. I accepted gratefully. What a great chance to get to know them better — fun family! Unfortunately my great-aunt served fish — something repulsive to me. It’s the horrible smell and texture. I gagged and pretended to be allergic.

They whipped up a pork chop for me, but I felt bad being such a liar and went home early. I told my sister about it and she said I shouldn’t have lied and should have told them the smell of fish always upsets my system. Now I’m sure my great-aunt is going to mention this “allergy” to my parents and others, and it’s a big lie. What should I do?

— Fish Liar, Winnipeg

Dear Fish Liar: Phone up your great-aunt and confess the false allergy. Tell the truth — that it’s just the fish smell that upsets your system. Thank them for making you a pork chop and for being so kind, and say you loved getting to know them better. Then get off the phone. It’s not a big deal if you don’t make it a long discussion. You’re not alone. There are people who throw up over certain smells — not just fish. Accept your situation, and tell people ahead of time when they invite you to dinner so they can serve something else.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went out with a woman for the first time last week from my college, and I thought we had a great time. She even turned and kissed me on the cheek at the door, though she didn’t invite me in to meet her family.

Now she won’t answer my emails or phone calls. The only thing I can think of might be that we’re of different colour and religions, which we talked about over dinner. What do you think?

— Puzzled at Her Sudden Coldness, The Maples

Dear Puzzled: You seem to have gotten a warm “kiss-off.” She turned and kissed you to let you know she was attracted, but maybe that’s as far as it could ever go.

Since the dinner conversation was all about your differences, she probably understood clearly her parents wouldn’t want things to go very far. Or maybe they caught the kiss and told her when she got back in the house that was it! Send her an email saying this is what you think must be going on, and wish her well.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography