Don’t give up on troubled grandson

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/03/2020 (2039 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband and I are in our 70s and finally have a fun and exciting social life now the kids are gone and our grandchildren are too old to want to come to the farm on weekends. We live in our big house, but a neighbour farms our land. We still have our horses, barn and paddock and the horses are our troubled grandson’s passion.

His siblings have have their own girlfriends and boyfriends, but he has nobody. He’s a good-looking boy, with a bad attitude. Something happened to him about a year ago, although nobody knows what. His parents want him out and the stepfather tried to wallop him when the boy came in drunk. The boy won the fight, so he’s out and the stepfather is nursing a black eye and more.

He ran to an auntie’s house, but the cops came. Long story short, the social worker asked who he’d like to live with if he could, and he said with us at the farm. We love him and he needs us desperately, but we were just starting to have fun travelling and such. It’s a lot to take on. What do you think?

— Love That Boy, Grandma

Dear Grandma: Put your fun life on hold, and take the boy in. You’ll regret it deeply if you don’t and your messed-up grandson heads down the path to jail or self-destruction. Take this project on as your swan song, and travel in a few years when he’s back on his feet, strong and away. Get him involved with the horses in the biggest way possible — showing them, training them and whatever else he can do.

He has clearly pointed the way out of the quicksand he’s in. He needs strong arms to pull him out and get him going. This means you and his grandpa. You will never be sorry you helped, but you will be sorry if you look the other way. In a couple years — which will fly by — you will have him all grown up with purpose; hopefully a young man with a future.

If school in town doesn’t work for him, online schooling is well-developed now and can work for high school and post secondary training.

You want to have fun? Invite people over to play cards, have dinner and celebrate up in style. Include the grandson to show him the warmth of community and good-hearted friends, even if they are older.

 

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have been very bad. I had an affair and got caught — and I’m not sorry! I want out of this sham of a marriage, but my wife wants to take everything from me, in her anger over my affair.

It’s not like she never had an affair! I just never brought it to light when it happened, but I felt quite all right about having my own three affairs, years later. Should I bring this up to her? I do have the proof.

— Ready to Rumble, Winnipeg

 

Dear Rumble: Bring your proof and the whole story (leave out nothing) to a lawyer who has nothing to do with your wife, her circle of relatives and friends or even with your own circles. You never know where loyalties lie. You need your own excellent lawyer, totally on your side.

Don’t spare yourself! Leave nothing out about your affairs (and hers) and the money you earn above board and anywhere else. A lawyer can’t do the best job if they don’t know what they’re dealing with. As you will be emotional, ask for required steps to be written out in order to work toward the best result in the marriage split and dividing of assets.

 

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have erotic dreams every night about my ex-lover but my new husband thinks I am so turned on by him. Ha! I was getting away with it when I accidentally shouted out my lover’s sexy nickname, which is nothing like my husband’s name. Everything ground to a halt and my husband asked me who I was screaming about, other than him.

I faked sexy confusions and said, “I don’t know. I was half in a trance as things were building and I’d just been reading a sexy book before we went to bed.” He said, “Show me the book.”

Well, of course there was no book to show. Caught! He said you called out the name of your ex, didn’t you?“ And I said “Yes, something like that.”

He turned on the light, walked to the other bedroom and has been sleeping there ever since. Do I want to break up? I have no job and I am married to a wealthy man who supports me.

My ex-lover is in another country and has a wife and kid now, but I still love him so much. I didn’t actually cheat — just in my dreams. Please help.

— Blew It Big-time, South Winnipeg

 

Dear Blew: You blew the free ride. It’s not fair to your wealthy husband that you’re living on his money yet making love to another man mentally. You’re using him, because you still want your ex who is married to another. This rich man is just your meal ticket. That’s just not fair. It’s cruel, especially now he knows.

Why are you not working? Your first requirement is a job. Your second is to offer your husband his independence so he can find a woman who really loves him.

Yes, you will be alone and working, but you may be able to find an honest relationship with a man you love and desire once you are free of the marriage. And hopefully your husband will find a real love of his own, one day.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.