Your moody office guy needs an isolation plan to settle him

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This article was published 14/04/2020 (2306 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband has always worked in a structured environment, and now he’s home working with “no real office.”

He refers to our new 24/7 isolated life in our big house as “meaningless” (a word that worries me) and “loosey-goosey,” which just annoys me. What a big baby! He needs his schedule, or he gets fussy.

I had some practice with staying at home with babies as a young mom and just fell back into that accepting mindset after COVID-19 showed up. I work from home these days as well, and I’m just fine. The kids are long gone.

Don’t get me wrong! I love my husband, but he makes me jittery when he’s bored, critical and moody. What can I do to get him to settle down, and find a way to enjoy being home, instead of making himself a daily pain in the butt? —  Fed-Up Wife, Tuxedo

Dear Fed Up: Accept who he is first — an office guy, for many years. Your man needs a real-looking office and a schedule, so why not give it to him, but not in a sarcastic way?

You say you have a big place, so here’s the project: Make your man a “dream office” out of one of the bedrooms. He has to work somewhere that feels businesslike and important. It’s a “surprise” gift from you. He may pooh-pooh your project when he first learns about it, but it’s highly likely he’ll become interested.

Take out the bed first. Have the necessary equipment purchased and delivered. Different items in his dream office should address his psychological needs (but don’t tell him that). It should include a fairly big desk that symbolizes success at work, bookshelves with reference materials, a large-screen desktop computer, electronics like quality earphones with a microphone, and a good camera for Skyping — for work and with friends.

He’ll also need a big chair or a recliner in the office for reading plus a bright light or natural light from a nearby window.

Then make a simple schedule for him — 9 a.m. to noon: work; noon to 1 p.m.: lunch; 1-4 p.m.: work; 4-5 p.m.: online games. Then work is done — 6 p.m.: dinner; 7 p.m.: a walk or run; 9 p.m. to midnight: alternative relaxing — TV, movies or playtime (wink!).

Your guy needs to learn to play more by himself, so he’ll also need access to movies and games to tempt him, a phone list with work and friend contacts, and photos — so he’ll connect with other people.

With regard to exercise, it helps with the feeling of being closed in and gets the blood stirring. He doesn’t want to go out alone? Do you have a dog? If not, might he want to get a pup or an older dog who loves walking and will be a happy distraction in the outdoors?

Hot tip: Get him to light the fire on cool spring nights and turn on the music. Who knows? He could get the idea from somebody like Jennifer Warnes’ voice wafting through the house that it’s the “right time of the night for making love.” He could learn to like your home schedule — a lot!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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