Time to set some limits for lustful, unemployed hubby

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/04/2020 (2011 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: We are newlyweds with no kids, married last summer. My husband is not working for the next few months and seems to think that means sex any time of the night or day. Lucky him! I’m seriously working from home, and have several daily deadlines and phone conferences. Mr. Hot Stuff likes to stay up late watching movies and then loll around in bed in the mornings. He wakes up about 11 a.m. with lots of energy, and then he’s trying to get me back into bed for some late-morning delight.

Sometimes he tries to be funny. This morning he was hanging on the doorframe with one arm, like an ape and beckoning with his other hand for me to come back to bed. I love this big oaf, but I don’t have time for this stuff in the middle of my work day. His final line? “Aw, c’mon! It’ll only take 10 minutes!” I cracked up laughing, but I didn’t give in. My job is really important. What should I do with Ape Man and his daily urges?

— Living at the Zoo Now, Southdale

Dear Living: You do get a lunch break, don’t you? There’s also lots of time in the evening, should you be more in the mood after work pressures are done. Enjoy this spell together with his time off and no kids. You may be able to look back with fondness to this moment when you had the time and privacy to play way more than usual. Encourage your man to set the scene during the day for the kind of playtime he hopes for in the evening — and be a good sport. Have fun!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The letter from Ready To Dig In My Heels really touched my heart. (That’s the “young middle-aged” wife who desperately wants to go to college, but her blue-collar hubby wants her at home. I suggested starting with online courses. —Miss. L.)

I’ve been married to my wife for 51 years. My wife and I worked to support young women and girls professionally for years, because of what we witnessed — abusive cultures, lack of means and just plain control by others. Your advice was a solid starting point.

Ms. Ready needs to sit down with her mate (provided the relationship with him is worth saving) and help him understand she’s not the real person she could be. She can be a full partner in the home and in the relationship. Insecurity is his issue. She needs to help him understand their relationship is not going to get worse — only better.

My wife goes to Edmonton to visit her brother and best friend/sister-in-law a couple times a year, and when she comes back, she is rekindled and happy. It makes her more of a person to have independence and the power to make her own decisions.

— Guy Who Cares About People, Manitoba

Dear Guy Who Cares: Thanks for a great letter of support for this woman. Her big issues are being afraid of her husband’s reaction and where she’s going to get the money for school. She’s only had minimum-wage jobs up until now. I remember from her letter they had kids very young and I’m guessing she’s about 40. Rather than taking student loans, it would make sense if hubby helped her out, but that might not happen.

Here’s hoping she talks to him about putting her work pay into tuition for courses after the online ones are finished. That would stop the endless arguing and ensure she gets this ball rolling soon. Her happiness at going to school will flow into their home life and may break down his reservations about her college project.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is for the husband that is now housebound and renovating without consulting his other half. When it comes to repainting the picture wall in the kitchen (bright lime green, in this case), the main question is whether it’s the wife or husband who spends most of the time in the room.

Whoever spends the most time there should be the one who gets to choose the colour. I know, because I came home from work one day and found the kitchen worker had painted the kitchen the colour my wife wanted. So be it!

— Just Becoming Aware, Winnipeg

Dear Aware: I take it the kitchen worker and your wife are one and the same? If you start pitching in, do you get to paint half the wall your favourite colour? How about some happy horizontal stripes? Do send in any photos!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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