Cottage confrontation calls for all kinds of closure

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 23/07/2020 (2217 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: It happened out at the lake. My young wife slipped out of our bed in our rustic cabin near the water. I’m usually a heavy sleeper, but not that night as it was raining.

At first, I thought she’d gone to the outhouse. I tried to go back to sleep, but she was gone for a long time.

Then I heard my mate moaning, and not in pain! I knew immediately she’d snuck back to where her “old work friend” was supposed to be sleeping in his tent at the back of our property — an overnight stop, just travelling through.

I’m a very big guy. I went barrelling out there and collapsed the tent on top of them, howling like a wolf. I ran back to the cabin, grabbed my jeans and wallet and roared back to the city in my truck.  She came back to Winnipeg in his car, and went to her sister’s, no doubt terrified about what I might do.

Frankly, I suspected she had a thing for her “old co-worker” when she was flirting and eyeing him up on the dock in the afternoon.

I phoned her at her sister’s, which ended up in a nasty name-calling match, and she told me I was a lousy lover. I don’t ever want the witch back. I thought I loved her until then, but not now!

I don’t know what to do. I have a house, cars, the cabin — a lot of complications. I always paid for everything, because she was too flighty to keep a job for more than a month.

But she will get way more than her fair share in the divorce!— Ultimate Betrayal, West End

Dear Betrayal: Discovering your wife in the act understandably ripped you up, and you need to heal. But you can’t sit around licking your wounds, because you have a lot to lose financially.

Clearly, you’re both looking to break up, so see a domestic lawyer this week about your options and what you might do to best protect yourself. Then see a counsellor or psychologist who deals particularly with breakups (not all of them do).

Then go see a different relationship counsellor with your wife, if she wants to go, to bring closure to the relationship. You don’t want to walk away from this painful mess with fire in your belly and questions unasked and unanswered. It’s the questions left in your head that can drive you crazy!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I never thought I’d be like this again. I’m in my 50s, but I feel like a teenager again! This funny, divorced man started working for our company as a salesman and he’s one of the few who comes into the office because of COVID-19 restrictions.

I dress up and curl my hair for him. I have donuts and cookies at my desk. I laugh at all his jokes. He can’t help but see I really like him!

Yesterday, he sat on the edge of my desk when the boss was out and he said half-jokingly, “So what are we going to do about us?” and all I could squeak out was, “I don’t know!” And he said, “I’m smitten, kitten!” and then looked at me seriously for the longest time.

Finally, we broke the gaze, and he shrugged his shoulders and went back out to get in his car and go to work. What should we do?— Really Like the Man, Winnipeg

Dear Really Like the Man: If it’s a very small office, you can tell the boss, or let him or her find out. Usually a few people, working close together, know what’s going on relationship-wise, even if people don’t admit it openly.

If it’s a bigger office, when people come back soon to work then you could try to bluff it out for a while and see how it goes.

If it fizzles out naturally and you’re just friends by then, it’s best for you work-wise.

But it may flame up and keep going! Then you can’t/shouldn’t try to deny it or you’ll look foolish and sneaky.

Office romances are more common these days, but are not always easy!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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