Space, socializing could ease tension at home

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/07/2020 (1900 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I repainted our house with zero help from my girlfriend during the pandemic shutdown, and it made me realize who she is. I still have the whole garage to paint. She mostly just complained, sat on her phone and watched TV while I slaved away trying to improve the place we live in.

We bought it together a year ago, and had all these shared dreams of fixing it up together and getting married in the backyard. So far she’s shown no interest in helping. Over the last year I’ve completed dozens of projects to improve it with no help from her.

At the time, she had her job as an excuse. Now she’s at home with no work and I work remotely, so we’re both there day in, day out. Is this just cabin fever?

— Super Annoyed, North Kildonan

 

Dear Super Annoyed: Cabin fever makes everything worse, but it’s not just about that. You did make all these redecorating plans together, which makes her “absence” from the projects pretty disappointing. Sitting on the phone was not in the plan! Ask her straight up what happened to her interest in the home renovations.

As for thinking she’s sick of you being around and wondering if that’s why she’s talking to other people on the phone, you may be right. You can create some distance by asking her to be in charge of indoor painting and decorating, with you working on the yard. That way you’re both working, but out of each other’s hair. She can even have her phone on speaker while she paints inside and talk to friends. On rainy days she can be upstairs and you downstairs for part of the day.

Most people also need some exercise to help socialize and rev themselves up. You could start going on evening walks together, or with a friend or two, properly distanced, in the evenings. Suggest it to her as a way to make your lives more social and normal again.

 

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m interested in having an affair or just a sex buddy. I’m living with a man who’s almost 15 years older than I am, and he hasn’t been interested in sex for three long years. I’ve tried everything, and I can’t get him into it anymore.

I’m turning 50 this year and starting to really look at my life and what I want to do with it. I don’t even know where to start. We haven’t talked about me having an affair or a sex buddy, and I know it would break his heart, but I’m not finished having sex, and he knows that. He knows how frustrated I am, but doesn’t seem to care all that much. What do I do? I just want someone to make me feel attractive again.

— Curious Creature, Wolseley

 

Dear Curious Creature: You’re only in your late 40s, and you are living as friends with a much older man. An affair means you will have to get sex on the sly. There are a lot of years left to go, living like that. By the way, has your present gentleman been supporting you? Is that part of why you stay?

Unfortunately, sex toys would not make you feel attractive again. So it seems you’re wanting a little romance with sexual feelings and satisfaction. If you’re an enthusiastically sexual woman, you may be better partnered with a slightly younger man, rather than an older one.

If you set yourself free, you could have a real romance with someone who is as far from being finished with sex as you are — and possibly have it for the next 15 to 20 years.

You need to talk frankly to your present partner about sex. It will be a painful talk, and one he will probably try to shut down. If he is truly finished with sex — can’t, or doesn’t want to do anything about it — you need to know that now and decide what you want to do about it. If your live-in is desperate to keep you, he may offer to see a specialist to explore all alternatives to try and save things. You’ve been after him to be sexual with you for several years and he seems unresponsive, but it’s still worth going one more round.

 

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is an adventurous woman who has always taken on major challenges and looked for new places to explore. I used to be the same way and we would do things like backpacking through India, exploring national parks all over North America and, more recently, sailing. Two years ago, we went sailing through the Bahamas together for two months, and while it was fun and exciting, I don’t want to do it again.

Last year when I told her I didn’t want to go, she insisted on going by herself and did so with no issue. I was fine with it, as it was a mini vacation from each other.

When she returned — and for the rest of the year — she seemed distant and different. Now, she says she wants to go back and is being very stubborn and confrontational about it. I wonder if she maybe met someone last year when she went. It seems like things changed after she went alone. What do you think?

— Feeling like the Second Mate, Southern Manitoba

 

Dear Second Mate: Ask her the big question: Does she have a lover in the Bahamas? If she’s living a double life, this truth needs to come out, for both of you.

If she just thinks you’ve become a useless traveller, you still have a problem, as that was your special connection.

Why not fight for your woman? You could get off your duff and address the problem with an adventure trip somewhere else when it’s possible.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.