Don’t use pandemic to justify your jealousy

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 03/08/2020 (2203 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ex-wife is dating again in the middle of a pandemic! This is not safe for the kids. When I heard about this nonsense, I phoned her and told her what I thought, and asked her to send the kids to live with me, at least until the pandemic is over. I am with my live-in lady, and not dating around town, so they would be safer. My ex replied with some words I’m too much of a gentleman to repeat.

Then she said, among other things, that my new “floozy” wouldn’t want teenage kids living under her roof. She may be right, but my kids’ health is more important to me than what my new woman would prefer. And my new woman listens and, unlike my ex, does what she’s told.

My wife has had very bad taste in men since she became single. I don’t want her bringing in the coronavirus from these low-life creeps she’s chasing.

— Upset Father of Teens, West End

Dear Upset: How do you know who she chases after are “low-life guys” or otherwise? Have the kids told you this or are you guessing? You sound angry and jealous, even though you say you’ve moved on with another woman.

Where do you think the kids would like to live if they had a say about their own lives? Mom’s place or yours, with your new live-in woman? And how much would they be wanted by your new lady, even if she doesn’t say anything because she’s scared of making you mad? It’s likely the teens would rather stay in their own home with mom. Your new woman might be miserable with and to them if they arrived to live with you and took over a good part of the house. Is there an extra bedroom or two for them?

How about you get a grip on your jealousy and stop using COVID-19 as an excuse to try to take the kids, possibly against their will? This angry move could cost you your live-in lady and a decent relationship with your teenagers, if you have one.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: What I want from life is peace, so I moved to the country. Now I have so much peace and quiet I’m going out of my mind. Everybody told me this would happen, even though I’m by a lake.

I work via computer and that’s the best part of my day — talking to my boss and working to send the things I need to deliver that day. I work fast and accurately, as there’s no one here to bother me. But then there’s the late afternoon, evening and night to fill. The nearest town is 10 kilometres away and nothing happens there at night. I don’t fish or boat and have no pets. Secretly, I’d like to move back to the city but it’ll look like I failed. Please Help!

— Lonely Fool, Lake Winnipeg

Dear Lonely: Who cares if your experiment didn’t work out? Mostly you! Big deal that it didn’t turn out the way you hoped. At least you had the guts to test it out, and found out you’re more of a city guy. Just put up with a little kidding from friends and move back to the city where you’re happy.

“I had to try, to see how I felt in the country, and now I know it’s a bit lonely for me!” is a good answer for someone in your situation. Then smoothly change the subject to ask about what your friends have been doing this summer. Most people like to talk about themselves and their projects, so give them the chance to fill you in on what you’ve missed by being away.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend just told me he wants to get married in the next two years, and I know deep in my heart I don’t want him for a husband. He’s a lot of fun, especially in bed, but he can’t keep a job and he’s too interested in VLTs. Besides, I want a man who is older than me, not younger and immature.

What should I say to him? I think I need to hold onto him until the COVID thing is over. It’s harder to go “hunting“ right now. Everybody is so paranoid. If I tell him I don’t want to marry him, he might split and then what will I have?

— Don’t Want To Be Alone, St. Norbert

Dear Don’t: “Paranoid” may not be the right word. People are justifiably scared. Still, it’s unlikely you two can continue much longer now that he’s looking for commitment and you don’t want to give it to him. Be fair! Tell the truth and free him up. You shouldn’t lie to him and keep him captive during COVID-19 times when you don’t care in the way he does.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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