Focus on future, not old high school flame

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 01/08/2020 (2205 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m so sad because I just found out two weeks ago my ex-boyfriend — my first love — got married to a girl I remember from our high school. I knew she liked him way back, even though she was two years younger. She once told me at his basketball game: “You’re so lucky to be going out with him.” I didn’t like the way she said it. Now I realize I should have taken it as a warning.

At least she had the decency to go after him after I dropped him. Or did she? Maybe she was also seeing him back in high school when I would break up with him over his drinking — and then take him back a few weeks later. I bet she would have taken him, no matter what shape he was in.

Last night I was lying in bed, wondering if she was already making inroads back in high school. I loved him so much, but I couldn’t be with a guy who loved his addictions more than me. I asked around last week and heard she’s quite the little drinker, too!

Now all I can think about is him and her in her wedding dress, staring into each other’s eyes and making their vows. How do I get over this?

— Jealous, Hurting and Alone, Brandon

Dear Jealous: If I could only show you the picture of a great guy (not addicted to anything) you are going to marry one day, how fast would you stop feeling jealous and crying?

Think about this and you will feel better: You don’t really want this guy, as he is. You wanted him without the addictive personality, but the drinking and drug use were always lurking in the background. You made the right decision when you finally punted Mr. Wrong. Now, you can look for Mr. Right who may have some of your ex’s best personality traits, but not the weaknesses.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My grandmother came down to the lake for a visit with my mother. I laid awake at night very late listening to them talking, when they thought I was asleep.

I was shocked to find out my grandmother had gone to jail when she was young, for 2-1/2 years. I was sorry when they went to bed. I was so very curious to hear more, as I had so many questions I wanted to ask.

Would it be wrong to tell Gram I overheard the conversation and wanted to ask her questions? Or should I ask my mom to ask her? Gram and I are very close, but this is a topic she may be ashamed of, I think.

— Her Closest Granddaughter,  Winnipeg

Dear Closest: Why not just ask your grandmother directly, when you’re alone, telling her you accidentally overheard the conversation that night? Tell her you love and respect her just the same, and have things you wonder about from her experience.

If you asked your own mom, she may try to protect her mother by saying, “No way, that’s embarrassing for her.” But, your grandmother may have come to a peaceful place about it, and be willing to talk to you, especially since her secret is already out to you.

Now your challenge is not to tell anyone else. Can you handle that?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a guy who has the good (or bad) luck to have two girlfriends. One lives here and one I reconnected with recently from my home city in another province. I like them both a lot.

While I’m working here, the Manitoba girlfriend is in my close bubble of three friends and a few co-workers. She’s beautiful (and hot) and I’d be pretty lonely if we broke up while COVID-19 is still going on.

The one back home was the love of my life before I left for Winnipeg for work, which has turned out to be my dream job. What should I do? I secretly hope to get my ex to move here and see if we can make it work big time, after the virus has a vaccine.

— Feeling Guilty Now, River Heights

Dear Guilty: Sometimes people who have had problems as a couple find each other more attractive when one of them moves away. Then they just have fun on the phone and everything seems to work again. But when they see each other in real life, after a few days or weeks apart, the old problems re-emerge.

You two broke up. You didn’t move to the new province together, or continue long-distance after moving. Why would you suddenly want to be with your ex again when you already left her for another love — your great job? Plus you have found a great new woman. Does your ex know about the new lady?

Light-bulb moment! Does your ex have a replacement for you back in your home city? Are you two simply jealous because of the new partners? You need to talk openly about all your feelings and stop wasting time for everybody concerned.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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