Mate wrong to guilt you for his sexual shortcomings

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 09/08/2020 (1889 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Sex always ends in an apology because my boyfriend has a problem with premature ejaculation. He tells me it’s my fault because I’m so beautiful. I suppose if I loved him I’d be more patient, but I’m sick of his problem. He leaves me halfway to heaven every time, and then laughs and blames me.

I feel like walking. He’s a very nice man otherwise and spoils me with gifts, trips and walks in the moonlight.

— Halfway Loved, Tuxedo

Dear Halfway: You don’t love this man and you’re disappointed every time you make love, so it’s time to depart the relationship. If you were in love with him, you might want to stay and help him find help. But you aren’t, and you’re letting him try to buy your love with every romantic move — except some satisfaction for you. You’ll note he never misses out on his!

You don’t need this mind-bending nonsense about it being your fault. There are a lot of great men in this world. A person who blames another for causing their problems is trying to make them feel guilty.

When he asks if you’re breaking up with him because of his sexual shortcomings, tell him truthfully, “Yes. You should see a doctor… but it’s more than that.” Then tell him honestly you like him, but you’re looking for a serious relationship where you can fall naturally and deeply in love.

If he pushes you (and it’s likely he will) just tell him, “I don’t feel love; I would have known by now.” If he asks to remain friends, say no, as that’s a way to buy more time to impress you. You already know the “Big L” is not happening with him.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went fishing with my new man in a group of little boats carrying his friends and their wives. I caught a tiny fish and my boyfriend caught a great big one.

On the way back to shore, he said, “I’ll tell them the big fish is yours and your pitiful one is mine, and they’ll get a big laugh out of it!” I didn’t want to play along with the lie, but he insisted and I gave in.

I guess I must have flinched when we came into shore and he was telling the big story about how the “novice beat the master angler.” I blushed and I may have grimaced, too.

One of the guys in the crowd sat down beside me at the bonfire afterwards and said, “He made you go along with that big story, didn’t he?” I didn’t say anything. He added, “And you didn’t like it, did you? I could tell by your face. It’s not the first time he’s pulled something like that, so he can tell the story and be the generous butt of the joke.” He said he just thought I should know.

I was grateful to the guy who put me wise. I didn’t like being made to be part of a lie, so my date would have a big story to tell. I said thank you!

Then I was really mad, and have refused any more dates with the jerk. He keeps phoning and pushing me to tell him why. I don’t want to get the guy who outed him in trouble. What should I say?

— Honest But Shy, Southeastern Manitoba

Dear Honest But Shy: Be completely honest about everything. Tell your big-shot date that one of his friends revealed he had pulled this type of stunt before. Then say, “More importantly, I hated being used and having to lie so you could grandstand. Don’t call me again or I’ll have to block you.”

Then you have finally expressed your truth. If he really pushes for who told you, tell him! That guy can take care of himself.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a lot of pets — eight to be exact — and I live in a medium-sized house on an acreage where I lived with my late wife. My new lady friend, in her 50s, told me last night after a few “drinkies” by her pool that I should pare down my collection of animals, sell the house and move into town with her.

She has no animals, and her living room is done in shades of white. She’s great fun and sexy, like no other lady I’ve found since I lost my wife, but she wants me to get rid of my animal friends. What should I say to her?

— Lost For Words, North of Winnipeg

Dear Lost: “Goodbye” comes to mind. Or adios. Seriously, you might say, “I can’t date anyone seriously who doesn’t love my animals.”

You’ve already gone out with her for a while and enjoyed her company. If she were just looking for a nice boyfriend to go out with, you could be that. But she’s proposing living together in her white place, moving you off the hobby farm and getting you to dispose of your pets.

The good news? Lots of women past 50 have lively sex drives, a good sense of humour and would welcome your lifestyle — and even want to move out to the hobby farm with you.

Stop operating on the mistaken premise that you’re “lucky” to find even one woman. You might find yourself happily embraced by a new woman, or many, if you got involved with Adventures for Successful Singles (adventuresforsuccessfulsingles.com) which is still operating most of its programs. Dancing is out for now, but not much else.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.