Summer schism seems to signal the end of marriage 

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/09/2020 (1860 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband I are on the terminal outs after a summer at the lake. I recently retired from a good career, while he continued to work and came out every weekend. 

I found myself enjoying his absence and feeling revolted by the pedantic way he talks and how boring the man is.

The cottage is fully insulated and beautiful in the fall, so, in August, I announced I was going to stay here for a few months and write the autobiography I’ve been threatening to write for years. I told him he could stay in the house in Winnipeg, work in or out of his office, and continue coming out here on weekends.

We didn’t even kiss goodbye and he seemed happy to be going last weekend and packed his whole bureau up. Good riddance. We have been in separate bedrooms all summer and it was his idea.

Today my next-door neighbour and good friend in the city phoned my cell and asked me too carefully if we’d gotten a new car. I asked why, and she told me a little car had been there for two days and nights, so she thought I must be home.

I phoned my husband at his work and asked him who was staying in our house, and he said, “If there was someone, it’d be none of your business as we’re separated.” 

News to me! I got in my car and stepped on it, and two hours later was at our door. There was “evidence” all over the bathroom and master bedroom that a woman had been there the night before. I’m too much of a lady to say exactly what.

I phoned him and said, “I’m home and you have a woman!” He said, “Call your lawyer and get out of the house. Go back to your place at the lake.”

I  couldn’t speak. I went to my sister’s instead. I’m in so much shock I don’t know what to do. I didn’t even cry, but I haven’t made any moves to help my situation.— In Shock, South Winnipeg

Dear In Shock: Your marriage sounds like it’s over — and you need to face that fact, with some help.

It only takes one definite vote to end it. Your husband made a few decisions a while back — perhaps in the summer when you lived “together/apart.” He didn’t inform you of them, but he definitely decided.

If you think he didn’t feel your revulsion in the summer, you were wrong. It likely was evident in the look on your face and tone of your voice.

Also note that it was his decision not to sleep with you at the lake, perhaps a sign he was being true to a new woman already.

You do need to call a divorce lawyer, and an accountant you don’t share with your husband.

Plus, you need to consult a marriage counsellor alone and then have another appointment with your husband present to get some closure. The professionals will advise on money, property decisions and living arrangements.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother is driving me crazy. She’s unhappy about something in the last two months and is taking it out on me. I don’t know what’s wrong with her, but I can’t do anything right! All I know is she came back from a trip with her guy and she can’t seem to stand me now.

I think she wants her guy to move in, but this is a small house with no privacy. I am 21 and had always thought I’d move out after I finished my master’s degree.

I have a summer job I could continue, rather than quit. If forced to, I could work full-time and forget university for a year.

Today I asked her if she wanted me to move out, and she said, “If you want to,” and sounded hopeful — that’s the best word to describe it. 

My dad would take me in, but I don’t think his new wife would like it, even though their house is big.

I have girlfriends at work who share a house and I could ask them for a room, but then I’m afraid I might not work hard enough at school. I can’t afford to party too much. Please help.— Catapulted? Fort Richmond

Dear Catapulted: Look at this as a good thing. At 21, it’s time to launch yourself out of the nest!

Lots of students are independent at 21, with student loans and part-time jobs — whatever is needed. Call the university and see what is available to you money-wise.

In your case, I’m sure your dad (with the big house) would prefer to give you some tuition and rent money, rather than have you move in with him and his new wife.

In fact, your mom might want to do the same, as she also has a romantic partner and is hoping for some privacy.

As for partying too much, surely you can control yourself at 21, without living with a parent. Look at this as the adventure you have been needing — and just didn’t know it.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.