Disappearing act is the epitome of disrespect

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This article was published 01/12/2020 (2095 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The love of my life packed his bags and disappeared. I suspect he went to a hidden girlfriend somewhere. We are not married, but have lived together for more than five years.

He wanted kids and so did I, but we’re in our 30s. At first I was up for a baby, especially when we had just fallen in love. But I said he needed to get off the booze. When it became clear he would not stop drinking, I told him I didn’t want to have children with a drunk, like my mother did. He actually cried, but didn’t agree to quit.

He started to drift away from that point, and was coming home suspiciously late. Now he and all his stuff are gone. He left me this note: “Don’t worry about me; I’m all right.” As if I’m worried about poor him being all right — he was immature and self-centred to the end!

I’ve heard vague rumours through two of his friends, who feel sorry for me, that he’s “friends” with a woman who has a couple of kids and lives in a small town in southeastern Manitoba.

He’s not the kind of guy to live by himself. Why? Usually he’s not working steadily, because of the drinking problem. It’s more likely he’s gotten right into living with this woman, who has the built-in family. I tried to get more information out of these two friends of his, but there is nothing more forthcoming.

What do I do now? We don’t need a divorce, but we are common-law, and I just need to know where the heck he is, so I can see him one last time and tell my lawyer where to contact him in writing.

— Desperately Unhappy, south Winnipeg

Dear Desperately Unhappy: No wonder you are miserable! Why should he able to just walk off and disappear to you, especially when his friends know exactly where he is?

Disappearing into thin air, as a form of breakup, is a torture for the abandoned person. You really need to see this man’s face again at least once (safely on Zoom or Skype) to talk to him. You also need to talk to a lawyer about helping you locate the man, as they often have private detectives working for them on the side. And there may need to be a settlement worked out, as a common-law couple.

Revisit your ex’s two hinting pals by phone, to see if they can help. Also, his mother might see her son’s behaviour as unfair — or she might be mad at you for refusing him babies (and grandchildren for her). Either way, she might be just upset enough to reveal his whereabouts.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We are mandated by the government to wear masks in the office. I wear mine all day, every day.

This guy at work, who takes his mask off, complains the entire time about them! He’s only in the office a couple of hours here and there, because he goes to job sites. But he won’t wear his mask when my boss is not here to see him, and he coughs on all his paperwork. My boss assures me he is talking to him about it, but nothing has changed.

How do I continue to complain to/nag my boss to make my co-worker wear his mask? I don’t feel safe when he doesn’t wear it. I don’t trust he’s safe outside the office at work sites either.

I’m high risk, and need to work! Everyone else in the office respects the rules, but for some reason he thinks he’s above everyone else.

— Worried Sick, Winnipeg

Dear Worried: A phone camera is your friend in this difficult situation. Next time this guy comes into the office, take photos or a little film clip of him taking his mask off as soon as your boss leaves the room.

Also, let everyone else at work know what this self-centred worker is doing, so there’s not just you bringing down pressure on him. We’re talking about your lives. You need to go higher than your boss? Then go to human resources or, if you don’t have that option, the next-highest boss.

In the meantime, self-protect. Get more gear. Wear a regular face mask plus a plastic full-face guard and plastic gloves when this careless guy is in the office. Stores like Walmart and Staples advertise full masks online, and many pharmacies sell them in Winnipeg now, inexpensively. If readers have other suggestions, send them my way.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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