Mother and son both need to shake up the nest

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This article was published 03/01/2021 (2059 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother is a woman who considered herself quite the mover. My dad died when I was 11 and she had a run of boyfriends after that. Mom always had a great job, and we had a comfortable home. When the boyfriends came over, she’d let me have a friend stay overnight, and we’d hang out in the rec room with the TV and stuff. It wasn’t a bad life.

None of Mom’s boyfriends ever became my stepdad. I’m so thankful Mom didn’t remarry, and she knew it. The only thing worse than a wicked stepmother is a wicked stepfather, or so I’ve been told.

Now that she’s older and has slowed down, she has one steady boyfriend. Starting early this fall, this new guy — a very nice person — has been coming around. He seems serious about her. Oddly, enough, she seems to like him back and maybe even loves him. Great!

I’m 23 now, and more than ready to move out. I cornered my mom about it the other night and she said, “Please don’t go. I don’t want to get married again!” What a strange thing to say! She said she never wanted to be married and told what to do. She had run the whole show since my dad died, and liked it that way.

I said, “I don’t want to stay here the rest of my life as your excuse not to get serious.” Then she started to cry, and that’s how it ended. She’s been quiet since then, and I feel like I need do or say something.

Now that I have a decent job, I want to move out more than ever, like within the next six months. It’s not like she needs my rent, as I’ve never had to pay any. Please help me out!

— Mom’s Big Excuse, River Heights

Dear Mom’s Excuse: Tell your mother you like her new man, and it’d be fine with you if she got serious about him, just as you’re serious about moving out within the next half year. Let her know (nicely) that she’ll have to tell her man friend she wants to maintain her own home and her independence. It may be fine with him.

In about four or five months, you need to start looking seriously for an apartment or a roomie amongst your friends, if you need. At that point, your mom will know you’re serious, and will have to own up to how she feels about her independence with this guy — unless she’s changed her mind by then. Who knows, she may even be interested in marriage with Mr. Nice Guy by then. Good luck!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 37. My girlfriend of three years is nine years younger and has a horrible trait, and it’s becoming more unbearable with each birthday or gift-giving holiday.

She has no problem telling me what she wants for an expensive present! And, as the date comes closer, she becomes more aggressive — picking fights so I’ll need to make it up to her with a nice big gift. Or else, she sweetly lets me know how much this gift she wants will mean to her, with a tear in her eye. On rare occasions, she says her friends will ask her what I’ve given her, and she doesn’t want to be embarrassed.

I’ll admit I’m a guy with substantial assets, but to me a gift is what one person selects and gives to another. I have no problem with hearing some general suggestions, but to be told specifically what to get is absolutely ridiculous!

Oddly enough, she has never asked me what I would like for a gift, and I’ve never told her, because she doesn’t care. We’ve had heated discussions over her demands, and nothing has changed. This Christmas I gave her a very expensive watch she picked out and had harassed me for. It cost a small fortune. Now her birthday is coming up in late January, and I can already feel the tension building, although the sex is getting hotter and hotter. What to do?

— Under Pressure, Sage Creek

Dear Pressure: It’s possible she loves your money, and not you, which is a rich person’s reasonable fear unless the partner has their own substantial means. This gift-giving problem is a big clue. If you go too far with this woman, she’ll badger you for an expensive engagement ring and wedding ring she picks out. Once you’re married, it’ll be the his and her sports cars, a larger home, fancy cabin, big winter vacations.

She’ll take great pleasure in impressing her friends and anyone else who will give her an audience. So, why do you stick with her, instead of sticking up for yourself? If she’s offering great sex to keep your wallet open and credit cards available, be aware that once a person like this snares you as a husband, the sex will likely diminish and the demands for expensive goods will continue to grow.

What is it about her that makes you buy into this pushy package of a woman? It’s time to get some counselling around this. Counselling can be easily had by phone during lockdown, with or without visuals via Zoom. No matter what it costs, it will be less than a lifetime of buying this woman whatever she demands.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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