Find or create safe ways to stay social in lockdown

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/01/2021 (2101 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Having so much time at home and nothing much to do but think, I’ve decided that 2021 is going to be a year of change. If COVID-19 has taught me anything, it’s that life is too short and precious. I should have been living my best life, and it’s never too late. I will start by surrounding myself with people who complement my life, not take away from it.

When I look back on my life, I can see that I have been chasing after family and certain friends to be in my life, but not anymore. If I didn’t call my family or friends, then I didn’t hear from them. They wouldn’t ever call me first. Yes, that hurts me, but I’d sooner surround myself with a few people who want to be in my life.

I’m 56 years old, and single by choice, but with some interests. How can I meet some people during a lockdown?

— Ready to Build a Social Life, North Kildonan

Dear Ready: People have been very innovative online since COVID hit. In Winnipeg and elsewhere, people of all ages have now gone online to find groups. For instance, the well-known Margaret’s Choir (margaretschoir.ca) is for people who just like to sing but may have been told they are not good singers. This spring, the choir’s Sunday afternoon rehearsals will begin Jan. 17, and you can register online.

Another example of the many local online groups is Whodunit mystery book store’s monthly online club (more info at whodunitbooks.ca).

People are lonely for other people, just like you are, so there are online clubs popping up everywhere. But there may not be a topic that excites you. Want to start a group on your own topic of interest? The singles and married online organization called Meetup.com offers many groups, but also invites people to start their own interest group on any topic that sparks them — and they’ll use their large network to help you find members. They provide all the instruction you need to become an online host. That could be the most fun of all!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a funny guy and we laughed all night. Then I connected with him again — same thing. On the third night of just laughs, I finally said, “Aren’t you ever serious?” and he said the weirdest thing: “Girls don’t like serious.”

I asked him to tell me about himself, and he said, “After you.” I talked for a bit and then I insisted he talk straight with me, so he spilled this: “I just got out of jail.”

I asked him what for, and he said, “Theft, nothing violent.” He seemed OK, pretty cool about it, and after a few questions, I quickly changed the subject. Since then, he has blocked me from his phone and social media. What happened?

— Confused Girl, Downtown

Dear Confused: He’s feeling raw right now, quite certain he’ll be rejected by any girl who knows his serious secret. You pushed past the laughs, asked for some truth, and he threw it out there for you. He probably didn’t trust you were OK with it after you changed the subject fairly abruptly.

Maybe he isn’t ready to meet anyone yet, except for some laughs, as he has a lot to think through and become accustomed to in his life.

Don’t keep calling him. Hope that he’s getting some counselling help to process his thoughts and feelings. It’s got to be a tough and confusing time, but it’s really good he has a job.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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