Think hard on committing to lazy lover for long haul

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This article was published 08/01/2021 (2052 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend and I had a sexy New Year’s Eve experimenting with some new toys I bought him for Christmas. I asked him before we went to sleep if he’d like to do the same thing next holiday season and he was too tired to be tactful, so he laughed and said, “Nah… too much work, Sunshine!”

Frankly, he’s a lazy lover, and that’s why I bought the toys. It was far and away our best night together, in my opinion. So I was really turned off by his selfish comment, and will feel awkward about bringing out those expensive toys again.

Regular sex with him often doesn’t do much for me, because when it’s all over for him, it’s all over. Please help! I’m thinking hard about getting engaged to him which is something he really wants. I thought something had changed when we rang in the new year, but I guess he’s…

— Still a Lazy Lover, Brandon

Dear Still: The bad news is lazy lovers can wear the romance right out of a relationship, and you two are barely started. Don’t sign up for this on a permanent basis. Now is the time to assess the situation, not after you get married.

If sex important to you, then you need a husband who feels the same about it. A marriage and children, along with work and money worries, stress and fatigue, is hard on a couple’s sex life. You would be betting on a poor horse in the race to marital bliss with this runner.

Even if you have logged a few years with this lazy lover, don’t feel like you have to throw another 30 years after it. It’s only going to get worse, and he’s not the most sensitive and giving partner you could choose in this world. You must choose well at this point in your life, or you’ll regret it for a long time.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This COVID Christmas dinner was the best ever. I hate my wife’s relatives and was glad not to have their freeloading butts at my dinner table this year.

I’m not being too hard on them! They drink and gamble and regularly bleed my wife for money. They even know when her paydays are, and call the night before.

I have gotten on the phone with them before, and they now know enough to call when I’m not home. She’s so soft-hearted she’ll always send them money the next day. They know I make enough money to support her. I love her so much I’d never let her go, and she cries if I get her on her about her no-good brothers. The parents are both dead and gone.

How do I get these leeches, who have jobs of their own, to stop sponging off of her? And how do I stay in her good graces? She is an angel.

— Loving Her, Not Them, Sage Creek

Dear Loving Her: You may not be able to stop the brothers without causing major harm to your relationship with your wife. But you could be cagey too. There’s nothing addicted family members hate more than having a do-gooder trying to save them from habits they still enjoy. You could probably keep them away from your dinner table by trying to help them clean up the drinking and gambling.

Unfortunately, they already know you can’t stand them and, if they’re smart, will not see your efforts as very sincere. They will still want to steer clear of you and your house though, but they will continue to call your wife.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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