Embrace adventure of parenthood one step at a time

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This article was published 27/03/2021 (1979 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: On the way home from work, I realized I didn’t want to speak to anybody but my mother, who’s dead. I drove to the cemetery, sat by the locked gate, and had a talk with her.

I asked her what I should do with my husband I love deeply, but who bores me somewhat now. As clear as a bell I heard her say: “You love this man, and you’ve worn out the honeymoon. It’s time for you two to have children.”

I went home and told my husband what she said, and he laughed. Then he got a twinkle in his eye and said, “I like your mom’s idea.” Then I looked at him and realized I liked it, too.

So what’s the problem? He wants three children and I — always cautious — just want one, in case I’m not a good mother. I have no practice at this, as I had no little brothers or sisters.

What should I say to my man who is suddenly so turned on to us and making a family?

— Negative Nancy, eastern Manitoba

Dear Negative Nancy: Don’t burst your husband’s baby balloon. Nobody brings much experience into first-time parenthood. You might end up being a great mom, absolutely love it and want more. Or, one child might be just perfect, with the freedom that allows.

Instead of being negative now you have started this exciting new chapter together, just say: “Let’s take it as it goes and see what happens!”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My difficult wife just moved out into a beautiful, expensive apartment. I helped her move, because it was my idea for us to finally part. I kept the house and paid her out exactly what she demanded, plus a little more. I tried to remain friends, so why has she turned into a witch? I didn’t think there was anything nasty between us, except the breakup which had been coming for the last couple of years.

Last night, my new girlfriend came over for her first sleepover at the house, and left her car in the driveway where my wife used to park. When my lady friend backed up to leave the next day, she ran over a sharp object that punctured her tire.

It was definitely suspicious! I phoned my ex up, and accused her. She sniggered, didn’t say anything, and hung up on me. I’m 100 per cent sure she did it! It was just her style, or lack of it.

Maybe it was in poor taste on my side to replace her in the marriage bed so quickly, but it was my expensive bed — bought and paid for years before I married her. Now my girlfriend says she doesn’t want to come over at night again because she’s afraid. Do I put her car in the garage? She said that wasn’t enough and that she’s afraid of other trouble from my ex.

I should say, don’t feel too sorry for my wife! She was the first to cheat, and with a friend of mine. Now what? I paid her out generously and I thought the fighting was over. She didn’t want me when she had me. Do I go back to my lawyer? I don’t want to call the cops yet.

—So Freakin’ Tired of This! North Main

Dear Tired: Your ex has to be warned more strongly than you can do it. A lawyer is trained to be good with words, and can let her know the police will be called in if she does anything illegal. (As if she hasn’t already!)

It’s not an accusation, as much as a stiff warning. That may be all you need. If it isn’t, and you continue to be harassed, you’ll need to get an order to keep her away.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 19 and have a cousin who’s only 16 and needs a kick in the rear. She isn’t sure of herself, so she dresses like a wild woman, and then tries to act the part. It’s phoney, and I know it. She has been sending her photos around and they don’t reflect who she really is at all.

I’ve warned her that COVID-19 will end, and she won’t be protected by “having” to stay in the house. These guys she’s teasing (some in their 20s) may not be the nicest guys.

I love my younger cousin and she looks up to me because I’ve had several boyfriends already. What should I say to her?

— Worried Cousin, St. Boniface

Dear Worried: Take the risk of her being a little upset. Tell her seriously you’ve seen some of her photos and are concerned about guys she may be attracting. Has she lied about her age? How far has it gone beyond photos?

If it seems like there’s someone specific, try to get her talking about him. If there isn’t, talk to her about the best way to go about attracting a guy she’d really like — who would return her feelings and care for her. Give her the benefit of your experience in a kind way, and forget that kick-in-the-rear approach.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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