Dreamscape shouldn’t be subject to scrutiny

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 28/03/2021 (2025 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was feeling restless and wakeful when I heard my husband talking in his sleep. I propped myself up on one arm, and looked at him tossing and turning. He was repeating a name I recognized, but not mine! He was obviously dreaming and saying something like, “No, don’t, not yet!”

I woke him up, and he was sweaty and embarrassed. I asked him if he was sick and he said something like “only in the head” and fell back to sleep. I’m thinking the worst.

— Interrupted a Sex Dream? Downtown Winnipeg

Dear Interrupted: “Are you feeling sick?” was a fair question if your partner was ill, and needed help. Also, some vicious nightmares really need to be interrupted. But your husband’s response leads me to believe he was having an erotic dream. Do you really want to know more about that dream? Of course not! When you have them yourself, do you want to have to report them to him — and particularly if he wasn’t starring in the dream?

People have private places in their waking minds, but even more so in their dreams. Their imagination, once they’ve fallen asleep, is beyond conscious control. Be careful about hauling your partner out of a dream and questioning him. You might hear something you really find hurtful, and he might have no memory of what he was rambling on about.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My heart is not lonely — unfortunately. It has a new girl in it, because I still have my high school girlfriend. We have not broken up yet. She thinks we’ll get married one day because we both used to share that idea — crazy love talk for high school.

We won’t be doing any of that, but I can’t bring myself to tell her, because it will break her heart and she doesn’t deserve that. I tried to tell her this week, and she went straight to the question, “Is it that girl you met at your job?” and I denied it. She was right on the button. How did she know? I lied and she gave me a look I couldn’t describe, like “How could you?” How do I tell her the whole truth without hurting her too much? She doesn’t deserve anything bad to happen to her. She has been nothing but good to me.

— Wanting Out Gently, Winnipeg

Dear Gently: There’s no way to make a breakup painless, and, face it, your girlfriend has already guessed the new girl you like. The only thing you can do is confess the truth and reduce any unnecessary humiliation. No matter what you say, your long-term girlfriend is still going to be very upset!

Don’t immediately jump into the new girl’s arms, even if they’re open to you. You’ll still be seeing her at work, so don’t bring her out anywhere for a number of weeks. Let your present girlfriend at least get herself back on her feet. If the new girl is really interested, she’ll still want to date you later.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m writing in regard to Fun Single Man in West Kildonan who is flirting with a woman he passes while running. He’s noticed she’s not wearing a wedding ring.

I’m also a daily walker. I’m married, but have never worn my ring when I work out, including walking. Also, I’ve only worn my ring on a chain around my neck for the last year, due to COVID. I work in health care, so I am unable to wear it at work. There are many factors to not wearing a ring. So, be cautious, Fun Single Man!

— No Ring Lady, Manitoba

Dear No Ring Lady: Since Fun Single Man says he’s not shy and has already shouted a hello, and his name, he could up the ante. He could sing out: “No ring?” next time he passes her, and then give her time to work with that comment. The next day she’ll probably have a smart answer for him, since this is a flirting game we’re talking about. If she is also looking for a new guy, she’ll probably say something funny, and give him an encouraging sign. If she’s married and taken, and not looking for a side-dish, she’ll probably holler out, “Sorry, got a ring at home!”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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