Tell sis to keep ‘procedure’ chatter under wraps

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 17/04/2021 (2008 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My older sister is a huge embarrassment to me. She used her COVID time off to get “work” done. Instead of acting like a lady and keeping quiet about it, she’s right out there jabbering about it to anyone who’ll listen.

I hate to admit it, but she looks a lot younger, though not younger than me — the baby of the family. But I heard today she has been lowering her age by 10 years to anybody who’ll swallow her nonsense.

Last night, when I got annoyed with her about it, she had the nerve to say, “I know you’re jealous. Why don’t you do a little something for yourself, too?”

I hate it that she’s such a phoney, and she looks so good. I don’t know how to react to her when she phones to babble away about all her “improvements.” I just want to boot her. — Younger Sister, Winnipeg

Dear Younger Sis: If she kept quiet about it, would you be OK? If so, give her specific directions: “I’m glad it makes you happy, but I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” That’s an effective shutdown.

But, you don’t want it to turn into a rift so you’ll have to be prepared to change the topic to something different.

If she persists in getting back on the topic, tell her it makes you feel queasy to talk about “procedures” and you have to run to the bathroom. That should work!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The woman “Scared Sick” who’s facing the problem of her son’s biological dad appearing after 20 years, has one option to keep the miscreant from making his appearance in person.

She should get a lawyer and draw up a claim for all the paternity money (child support) he should have paid over the 20 years.

The claim could be sent to him with a cover letter saying this suit would be pursued if he insisted on contacting his son in any way. That would likely cause him to retreat back to his hiding places of the past 20 years.

That does not mean the mother should try to keep the secret longer, only that the adjustments of her family will be easier without the absentee showing up. — J.W., Manitoba

Dear J.W.: The bio-dad had told the young mom he wanted “nothing to do with her and the child” at the time. He stayed away — and she went back to her husband and pretended the baby was his.

Now the bio-dud wants to assert his paternity, or he’s just gotten older and curious. Threatening him with a claim might keep him away, but not necessarily.

Anyway this secret needs to be let out of the closet. Mom needs to confess what happened 20 years ago — to her son and her husband, expressing her deep regret at not being truthful long ago — and cut off the birth father’s power.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Your correspondent (“Scared Sick”) might want to consider having her spouse adopt her son, terminating any rights of the biological father. I hope the husband can understand that it was situational, and she really cares about him. The boy is his son in every way. — Concerned Lawyer, Winnipeg

Dear Concerned: Your suggestion will require a confession on the mom’s part which is long overdue — one she clearly has not wanted to make. The news for her husband of conceiving this son with a new boyfriend during their short separation is definitely going to be a shock, after hiding it for two decades. But it isn’t likely to change his love for this boy, who is his son emotionally. Those ties are strong.

The son also has the right to know the truth of his own biological background. The sooner Mom confesses, the better, as it’s starting to tear her up.

Until she has made the confession, this sperm donor who is after something (perhaps hush money, or just satisfying his curiosity) still has power over her.

Everything does not rest in the mother’s hands. The biological father could keep threatening to make trouble — or shock everyone by “outing himself” to his son.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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