Counter anti-vaxxer uncle with hard facts

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 30/04/2021 (1995 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My brother recently went over my head and started sending my teenage kids a whole bunch of anti-vaccination stuff. I’m furious! I told him not to talk to them about that sort of thing, but it’s like he’s lost his mind.

He doesn’t care what medical authorities say. All he wants to do is talk about “conspiracies” and “warn” about things that don’t exist. I don’t want to cut my kids’ uncle out of their lives, but what else is left?

— Mama Bear, Wolseley

Dear Mama Bear: It’s difficult in this technological age to effectively deny access to people we don’t want in our kids’ spheres. Both sides have access to smartphones and internet apps.

The best thing you can do is get really educated on the vaccines and counteract what this uncle is saying to scare your kids. To get at his information, first have a conversation with your brother and lead him into explaining what he believes to be the truth. If you cut him off without getting enough “intel” on his rhetoric, you can’t very well counteract the “facts” he has for your kids.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Maybe we’ll call it Cabin Fever, because I’m not much of a drinker, but I ended up getting blasted last weekend and having a big fight with my wife. I said some critical things about her heavier COVID figure I really shouldn’t have.

Then she said things about my body parts I can’t change, and things just spiralled down from there. Now we’re sleeping in separate rooms of the apartment and not talking — like two icebergs.

I don’t even know where to start. I love her, but I really hurt her and she really hurt me, and neither of us is willing to break the ice. What would you suggest?

— Frozen Husband, St. Vital

Dear Frozen: Silence is not golden in relationships. It’s deadly, especially when prolonged.

Your drinking and fat-shaming started this fight, so you need to break down and apologize first. Keep it short so it doesn’t start the fight all over again. Then ask to start talking civilly and get caught up with each other’s lives.

So here’s your sample script: “I’m so sorry about our fight — very sorry about what I said, and I didn’t mean you were unattractive to me. I know I started it, but I miss you. Can we just talk a little now?”

She may say stubbornly, “About what?”

Then say things like, “What’s happening at your work this week?” “What can I make us for dinner?” and “Would you like your car washed when I do mine?” That’s stage 1 — extending your olive branch.

In stage 2, she needs to offer her olive branch — and also reach for rebuilding a friendship. You may both be ready for eating together and making small talk about your day, but then there’s the body insult from her side.

Are we talking about your musculature… or your manly parts? How bad was that interchange? Can it be made better by talking about it again, or would it make it worse? If it will, just drop it.

Instead, make an outdoor plan to take you out of the tense atmosphere of your apartment. Instead of staying locked up at home, get away from the over-drinking, over-eating and movies at home that too often pass for entertainment in the time of COVID.

How about a sunset walk where you hold hands and go for a stroll in the neighbourhood? Then have a shower and see how you feel. Emerging fresh from the shower, feeling physically rejuvenated, can often be an aphrodisiac.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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