Gravitate to guys who won’t ground you

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/05/2021 (1991 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m hungry for love and affection, like everybody else in their late teens. But when I do have a guy who starts calling me his girlfriend, I feel crowded.

So I pick a fight and he doesn’t call for a week; then I feel a safe distance and we make up. Then we have another go round. After a while, he gets tired of me. Two guys have told me I just like to “jerk guys around.”

I just need my space, and guys are always trying to own me. I have a secret I don’t really tell guys, or they’d laugh, but I’m going to get enough education and training to get into a space program. I’m not looking for a quick marriage after one degree and getting tied down with kids and everything.

My mom was on her way to being a doctor, then got pregnant with me and quit to get married and raise kids. Her dream never happened. She says she doesn’t mind, but the last time I asked her about it she got tears in her eyes.

I don’t want to be lonely and untouched by men, or never in love, and I’d like to have a baby one day. But I have dreams I want to fulfil. What should I do in the meantime?

— Million Miles Away, Winnipeg

Dear Million Miles: Some people want to be child-free even if they get married and other people put off babies until they’re in their 30s or older. Then there’s also the adoption option.

As for your dreams being fulfilled, you need to gravitate towards guys who also have big dreams and would never put you down for yours. Don’t hesitate to tell a guy you’ll be getting a lot of education in the future and probably moving out of province — but also that you think he’s great and would like to know him, now. That way you aren’t rejecting anyone, but they know you’re not going to be around long-term.

That’ll turn some guys off, but will be refreshing for others who have big plans themselves.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m an older guy who lost my wife years ago. I didn’t miss her much, because she wasn’t very nice to me. I found out this month from an old friend of hers (who thought I knew) that my wife was having an affair for years with a guy from our lake, who died a while back. It was all news to me!

Suddenly a lot of things made sense. I knew why my wife never complained when I stayed in the city to work most weekdays all summer, and she seemed to have lost her “needs” for me. I knew why my kids — now all grown up — hated this man at the lake. They even had nasty nicknames for him. I guess they saw him visit their mom, but no one wanted to be the one to tell Dad and blow up the family. Should I say anything to them now, and if so, what?

— Suddenly Aware of Wife’s Affair, south Winnipeg

Dear Suddenly Aware: It’s tough holding secrets from a parent as a kid, and feeling that burden. How about you mention the woman who let this secret out, thinking you already knew? Tell your grown-up kids one at a time that you feel sorry they were burdened with that secret, and how difficult it must have been. Mention that you now know why they had bad names for the guy, because now you have some really nasty ones, too.

Send questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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